1. Posted: October 26, 2016In:

    When a pregnant schoolteacher learns that her father is the half-man/half-bear who slaughtered her family, she teams up with a transexual scientist to convince the monster in becoming the high school mascot.

    giannisggeorgiou Samurai

    Ok, the protagonist's profession (schoolteacher) pays off and ties in with her goal (the highschool mascot), but other than that, I see a couple of problems: The first half or more of the logline plays like a sci-fi thriller and only the end sounds like a?comedy. The protagonist's goal is ridiculousRead more

    Ok, the protagonist’s profession (schoolteacher) pays off and ties in with her goal (the highschool mascot), but other than that, I see a couple of problems:

    1. The first half or more of the logline plays like a sci-fi thriller and only the end sounds like a?comedy.
    2. The protagonist’s goal is ridiculously low-staked compared with her backstory wound of family murder and her rape.
    3. The transexual scientists pays off, neither as a transexual nor a scientist.

    In general, I see random surreal elements thrown in, that don’t make sense with each other. You could have had?surreal?elements that surprisingly make sense, but this is not the case.

    Have you written this screenplay? Does it read?well? Then, perhaps the logline does no justice to the story and you should rewrite the logline.

    Cheers.

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