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  1. Posted: March 11, 2015In: Public

    When a broken film critic must find the most ascetic Persan director and persuade him to shoot an unrestrained blockbuster in Paris, he pick the wrong man and have to deal with him to save his career.

    Gabor Penpusher
    Added an answer on March 14, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    Hey FFF, I think there is a very good improvement in the logline by every update. You will still need to go back and think about the story (which is totally normal). Weak points to me: - Why is the director Persian? Is there a special reason behind this not counting the location setting for audienceRead more

    Hey FFF, I think there is a very good improvement in the logline by every update. You will still need to go back and think about the story (which is totally normal).

    Weak points to me:
    – Why is the director Persian? Is there a special reason behind this not counting the location setting for audience?
    – Why Paris? Are there a lot of Persian people in Paris? Or are Persian people in love with the city of Paris? Etc.
    – How come he picks the wrong guy? Accidentally? Is there an impostor?

    Maybe this could help:

    A broken film producer’s last hope is to persuade a Persian director to shoot a blockbuster action-movie in Paris, but he is fooled by an impostor. Discovering this too late, he has no choice but to start the shooting with the false man.

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  2. Posted: March 11, 2015In: Public

    When a broken film critic must find the most ascetic Persan director and persuade him to shoot an unrestrained blockbuster in Paris, he pick the wrong man and have to deal with him to save his career.

    Gabor Penpusher
    Added an answer on March 14, 2015 at 4:12 am

    Hi, yes I think we are getting better! The two sentence structure is working much better. Now let's focus on the content! Try to compress the following into 2-3 sentences in your way: A once-famous french film critic is given a last chance to save his job: to convince a Hollywood director on HolidayRead more

    Hi, yes I think we are getting better! The two sentence structure is working much better.

    Now let’s focus on the content! Try to compress the following into 2-3 sentences in your way:

    A once-famous french film critic is given a last chance to save his job: to convince a Hollywood director on Holiday to do a blockbuster for France that could save the entire French film industry from bankruptcy.
    He travels to the Middle East just to find the director completely turned against Hollywood-style blockbusters. The only thing he wants to do is a last huge art movie. So the critic decides to play a double sided game: he promises the art movie to the ex-Hollywood director but also confirms the blockbuster to his employer…

    Geez, it is not so easy to work on the content, spent more than an hour on this…

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  3. Posted: March 6, 2015In: Public

    When a woman and her newborn are placed into quarantine, feared they are infected by the darkness which has devastated their homeworld. She escapes and gains the support of followers to free her twisted child from the prime evil which is bent on possessing their entire species.

    Gabor Penpusher
    Added an answer on March 14, 2015 at 2:47 am

    Sounds still very complex to me - and complexity I feel is coming from the lack of clarity on the story. There seems to be just too much story forced into the logline.

    Sounds still very complex to me – and complexity I feel is coming from the lack of clarity on the story. There seems to be just too much story forced into the logline.

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