1. Posted: November 16, 2013In:

    When a highly-successful psychologist saves a man on the street from suicide, she decides she isn't helping enough people who really need it, and starts a "mobile therapist" ride company, counseling strangers from pick-up to destination; until one-day she accepts a fare across country from a man with real demons to confront.

    Ian Slater Penpusher

    Thanks Camilla! I agree it's wordy, which I often have trouble getting around. But your feedback got me to this new expression: A driven young psychologist finds success in her off-time at a ridesharing company, where her powerful insights make her highly sought after, but she realizes she may be inRead more

    Thanks Camilla! I agree it’s wordy, which I often have trouble getting around. But your feedback got me to this new expression:

    A driven young psychologist finds success in her off-time at a ridesharing company, where her powerful insights make her highly sought after, but she realizes she may be in over her head when she finds herself traveling across country alongside a man facing real demons.

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  2. Posted: November 17, 2013In:

    To overthrow the manipulative authorities of year 2086, a man genetically designed to teach the values of the regime decides to fight his mental programming, team up with outlaws and free a people brainwashed by a corrupt government

    Ian Slater Penpusher

    There's depth here, a clear protagonist and antagonizing force, and the logline allows me to see the first and second act, but I think it needs work in the following areas: - The way it's expressed it's not very unique. It ends up sounding like a dozen other dystopian/sci-fi movies. - But it begs thRead more

    There’s depth here, a clear protagonist and antagonizing force, and the logline allows me to see the first and second act, but I think it needs work in the following areas:

    – The way it’s expressed it’s not very unique. It ends up sounding like a dozen other dystopian/sci-fi movies.
    – But it begs the question, what’s so special about this guy that when he teams up with/takes charge of a band of outlaws that they’re able to take down a powerful government?
    – Maybe he discovers a deactivated/dormant chromosome that upon activation imbues his band of outlaws with special powers.

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  3. Posted: November 16, 2013In:

    Love Never Dies? During the ?Great Depression? an independent woman finds illicit love with a passionate man, drawing disapproval from community and family. Separated by circumstances, their union transcended death proving love is eternal.

    Ian Slater Penpusher

    I think you have some components here that have potential, but just need reworking and more specificity. Right now it's a little vague, and ends up sounding too much like Romeo & Juliet with a couple of tweaks. I would focus on the components you have, play around to make them more unique, and sRead more

    I think you have some components here that have potential, but just need reworking and more specificity. Right now it’s a little vague, and ends up sounding too much like Romeo & Juliet with a couple of tweaks. I would focus on the components you have, play around to make them more unique, and see what happens. You might also benefit from focusing on just 3 or 4 of the below to start…

    -Great Depression
    -Independent woman
    -Finds illicit love
    -Passionate man
    -Community disapproval
    -Separation
    -Transcendence (what does that look like?)

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