1. Posted: November 15, 2013In:

    When the mayor of Washington D.C. is murdered and a Homeland Security agent is framed, the agent must find out who is blaming him before he gets his next target: The President.

    Ian Slater Penpusher

    Richiev's rendition sounds solid. Although very familiar, this is the type of movie that audiences never seem to tire of. Where I think you have opportunity to make it different is in the "troubled" character of the Homeland Security agent, and the political climate you choose to set your story intoRead more

    Richiev’s rendition sounds solid. Although very familiar, this is the type of movie that audiences never seem to tire of. Where I think you have opportunity to make it different is in the “troubled” character of the Homeland Security agent, and the political climate you choose to set your story into.

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  2. Posted: November 10, 2013In:

    After the death of her sister, a suicidal superheroine's drug addiction grows as her family fights to stay together.

    Ian Slater Penpusher

    I think you need to ask yourself, "what's at stake when this superheroine is no longer on the street doing superhero stuff?" What I find interesting about this concept is a superheroine using drugs to escape the reality of having lost something. It might have a greater impact if what she lost was heRead more

    I think you need to ask yourself, “what’s at stake when this superheroine is no longer on the street doing superhero stuff?” What I find interesting about this concept is a superheroine using drugs to escape the reality of having lost something. It might have a greater impact if what she lost was her daughter, rather than her sister.

    You might also ask yourself the question, “What happens when she uses drugs?” Do drugs make her normal or do drugs enhance some superhero ability? For better or for worse?

    You might find that by asking yourself these questions you come up with new expressions of your logline that are more compelling.

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  3. Posted: November 10, 2013In:

    When an elderly man sues a large bank for foreclosing on him due to a data error, he dies of a heart attack in court, and his daughter then brings a wrongful death suit against the same bank.

    Ian Slater Penpusher

    Thanks guys, all your comments really got me thinking about this. I think I'm guilty of layering on plot points in an attempt to fix what was really a problem with the expression of my core concept. Richiev - you hit the nail on the head of what fascinates me about this concept. And you were right oRead more

    Thanks guys, all your comments really got me thinking about this. I think I’m guilty of layering on plot points in an attempt to fix what was really a problem with the expression of my core concept.

    Richiev – you hit the nail on the head of what fascinates me about this concept. And you were right on also about me having an initial confusion of my main character which prevented me from ever clarifying this.

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