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After receiving an email to partake in a heist experience, an intrepid engineering student and his friends must work out how to rob a casino; but when they discover the heist is real, they must find the creators and expose them before they’re caught.
Borrowing your 'heist experience' ;) "An intrepid engineering student must unravel a ‘heist experience’ email when discovering he inadvertently orchestrated a real casino robbery"
Borrowing your ‘heist experience’ 😉
“An intrepid engineering student must unravel a ‘heist experience’ email when discovering he inadvertently orchestrated a real casino robbery”
See lessA young lawyer discovers through the diary of one of his ancestors that his family has served an ancient vampire for generations, so he must decide between succumbing to power and greed or doing the right thing and losing everything.
1. Inject culture to set your story apart e.g. “A young Latino lawyer” - culture derived from your synopsis. 2. Usually, one human in vampire lore guards a vampire during the day known as a “human servant.” You can use my example or find another name from lore if going with the “must decide lawyer oRead more
1. Inject culture to set your story apart e.g. “A young Latino lawyer” – culture derived from your synopsis.
2. Usually, one human in vampire lore guards a vampire during the day known as a “human servant.” You can use my example or find another name from lore if going with the “must decide lawyer or human servant” route.
3. Concerning the lawyer’s life choice, it doesn’t appear he has one from the family’s perspective – he must accept the calling. From the vampire’s perspective, he must approve. So, if your lawyer wanted out, he could sabotage the interview with the vampire.
Examples from Formula (link in header):
When a [CHARACTER], is [confronted by a MAJOR EVENT], s/he must [do the ACTION/GOAL].
or:
A [CHARACTER], must [do the ACTION/GOAL] when [a MAJOR EVENT occurs].
“A promising young Latino lawyer must decide between [lawyers non-vamp path e.g., true love] and [lawyers vamp path e.g., old-money family inheritance] when Count Vladimir arrives in Mexico to interview his human servant heir”
Kept the name “Count Vladimir” in the logline as I believe the reader will “get it” based on his purpose.
Keep going!
See lessWhen a naive and shy young man loses his humanity to an evil futuristic corporation, he tries to destroy it to free himself and others with the questionable help of two sides, good and evil, from which he finds no difference.
Hello and welcome! Consider the following to strengthen your logline/premise: 1. A worldbuilder may benefit your logline to orientate the reader e.g., “Set in a dystopian future, …” OR “In a dystopian future enslaved by a tyrannical megacorp, ...” 2. Try to produce a single word to describe your proRead more
Hello and welcome!
Consider the following to strengthen your logline/premise:
1. A worldbuilder may benefit your logline to orientate the reader e.g., “Set in a dystopian future, …” OR “In a dystopian future enslaved by a tyrannical megacorp, …”
2. Try to produce a single word to describe your protag’s (before arc) psychology or sociology.
3. Who is this young man? E.g., “A downtrodden clerk.”
4. Concerning the major event (his call to action) – losing one’s humanity is good, but in this world doesn’t everybody? Thus, you need an answer for “why him to save the world, what makes him so special?”
5. Concerning your goal, your protag cannot attempt or try – he must do. Having a goal of destroying a soul-sucking evil megacorp is good! In loglines we need to see intent, thus he must.
6. Evil corps are vague when it comes to opposition, think about an antagonist, a baddie CEO – we need a face to punch 😉.
7. Stating how your protag is going to complete the goal is known as the “method” which is rare to see in loglines. In your case, I am intrigued by your questionable good/evil help, but I am unable to envision what this looks like.
8. Check out the Formula link in the header to hone your logline!
This is what I can gather: When a downtrodden lemming gets his soul ripped out by the evil megacorp he toils for, a good/bad angel (classic one on each shoulder) appears to help with the singular goal of destroying it to regain his soul/humanity.
Hope you find this constructive, for me the questionable help is your hook and may answer #4.
See lessTake care.