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A headstrong ex-con desiring a family, falls for the woman who saves his life, but her drug addiction and past horrors may destroy everything.
I like the idea. The inciting incident is clear enough, she saves his life. Then as the first act comes to an end and rolls into the second, he begins to fall for her. I just think that the second act needs some work. Although her drug addiction and past horrors seems interesting it feels a little vRead more
I like the idea. The inciting incident is clear enough, she saves his life. Then as the first act comes to an end and rolls into the second, he begins to fall for her. I just think that the second act needs some work.
Although her drug addiction and past horrors seems interesting it feels a little vague. There’s no real action there. I’d rather it say something like ‘her drug addiction brings an ex boyfriend felon back into her life…” or something like that. (obviously this isn’t your story, just an example) My point is just that this will imply action and a more aggressive protagonist who has a physical goal to overcome, rather than him trying to deal with her emotional baggage.
Hope that helps
See lessBullet for the Soul
I really like the idea and where it could possibly lead. Just curious as to the genre? It sounds like it could be really dark. The inciting incident is clear, when she starts to fall for the criminal. I was just wondering how the second act is going to unfold and whether you could incorporate this sRead more
I really like the idea and where it could possibly lead. Just curious as to the genre? It sounds like it could be really dark.
The inciting incident is clear, when she starts to fall for the criminal. I was just wondering how the second act is going to unfold and whether you could incorporate this somehow into the logline? What are these dark impulses and what does this mean for her and her job?
Also it wouldn’t hurt to give her some type of flaw. The physical journey is clear, but by giving her a flaw it will add an inner journey and thicken up her character. This could be something as simple as “a straight arrow” female detective. It’s not so much a flaw as a character trait that will get challenged by her love of this criminal.
Just a thought, hope it helps.
See lessA teenage scam artist uncovers a money-laundering plot that euthanizes seniors and cons an army of old people to extract restitution from the mob.
I agree with Paul, my old addition would be to add a flaw to your main character. Such as why is he a scam artist, personal issues? and what are the stakes for him getting involved? otherwise it sounds really interesting. Also curious about the genre?
I agree with Paul, my old addition would be to add a flaw to your main character. Such as why is he a scam artist, personal issues? and what are the stakes for him getting involved?
See lessotherwise it sounds really interesting. Also curious about the genre?