I like the premise. It sounds almost like a darker version of ‘Yes Man’ meets ‘America Beauty’ maybe.

Only suggestion is that this is a little vague. For example when you say that he cant get a break until her starts bending the rules. What makes him decide to bend the rules? Is there a specific event. Cause this would be more of an inciting incident. Like in American Beauty its when he goes to his daughters cheerleader show and in Yes man its when he runs into his old friend who tells him about saying Yes. So rather then being vague about it, put that in the line.

Also when you say he takes a fast turn through a dark world is there an event in particular when he maybe realises that he is entering into something more serious. Or is this dark world symbolised by a particular event or person? Cause if it is then that would be better to put in the logline, it provides the character with a clear goal and destination.

Hope that helps and I didnt get to carried away.

I dont understand this at all. It reads more like a tagline than anything, where we already know the story and the characters. You need to give your main character/s a goal, right now all they have is an obstacle (God).

You also need to include the inciting incident, i assume this is when god tries to get there attention? Or is that more in the second act? Once you have this inciting incident this has to be built upon, telling us how the second act takes off and what the obstacle is.

It does sound original and the way it reads im guessing a comedy? I would suggest reading the “How to writer a logline.” That should give you a better construction method.

hope this helps