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  1. Posted: August 16, 2013In: Public

    Bitten by a zombie then discarded by her protector, a timid woman struggling to survive learns there's more to the apocalypse and the man she trusted.

    JanCabal Logliner
    Added an answer on August 16, 2013 at 8:50 am

    All is good, only one thing - the fact that she learns about the dark truth is not enough. She must take an action or something happens. We have a hunch that there is something at stakes, but we don;t want to watch a movie just to learn the truth. Protagonist must take some action: "so now she mustRead more

    All is good, only one thing – the fact that she learns about the dark truth is not enough. She must take an action or something happens. We have a hunch that there is something at stakes, but we don;t want to watch a movie just to learn the truth. Protagonist must take some action: “so now she must …. or this happens.”
    Good luck

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  2. Posted: August 12, 2013In: Public

    super is a story about an office worker who loses his girlfriend to a drug dealer so he decides to become a superhero to avenge his girlfriends death on his journey finding the man responsible he meets his sidekick and together team up to fight a common evil with household tools and gagets

    JanCabal Logliner
    Added an answer on August 12, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    I think that we don't need to know he meets a sidekick unless he plays a major part in the movie. Protagonist: Office worker Antagonist: Drug dealer Situation: wife died, revenge Stakes: unknown. You need to think of what's at stakes if hero fails to kill the drug dealer. Then the logline will work.Read more

    I think that we don’t need to know he meets a sidekick unless he plays a major part in the movie.

    Protagonist: Office worker
    Antagonist: Drug dealer
    Situation: wife died, revenge
    Stakes: unknown.

    You need to think of what’s at stakes if hero fails to kill the drug dealer. Then the logline will work. Just a regular vengeance is not enough – if hero kills the dealer – its good. If he fails? Movie wouldn’t be interesting if its just about “it works out or not.”

    Another thing is that it was his gf’s choice to take drugs and dealer has no direct responsibility for her death – lets say, if dealer would refuse to supply his wife, she would probably find some other dealer.

    So unless the dealer intentionally overdosed her, the protagonist’s agenda ain’t that strong.

    When is his girlfriend killed by a local drug lord, former office worker takes justice into his hands, fulfilling his sacred vow to purge the city.

    Even this one is not strong enough, we need some flaw of the protag. Image of office worker without a special skill masacring drug dealers is funny. And still you need to think of something that happens if hero’s fails in his journey

    Or you can make this movie about hero’s inner path. How he become from former office worker into masacring killing machine – lost his inocence and during a movie, he must evaluate his moral values, deal with corrupted police, etc ….

    Avenging death of his wife, former office worker turns into a killing machine, purging city of responsible drug dealers and corrupted police, unwillingly turning into a monster he once swore to kill.

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  3. Posted: August 12, 2013In: Public

    fugitive is a story about a man who is famed for a murder he didn't commit on his way to prison his bus crashes so he goes on the run to find the true killer to prove his innocents as police are trying to find his whereabouts

    JanCabal Logliner
    Added an answer on August 12, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    Yeaah, yeah. I know this movie! Harrison Ford plays in it! :D

    Yeaah, yeah. I know this movie! Harrison Ford plays in it! 😀

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