1. Posted: March 11, 2019In:

    After he’s fired for accidentally killing a noble hero, and thus taking away honor from his evil warlord boss, a disgraced henchman is forced to become the champion of a local village in order to overthrow the tyranny of his former master.?

    jelewis8 Logliner

    There's confusion in the premise, leading to unsure expectations for the audience. It seems like an evil warlord wouldn't care if his henchman kills a noble hero--that's why he's evil, right? Then there's the passivity of the protagonist. He's forced to do something based on something else, rather tRead more

    There’s confusion in the premise, leading to unsure expectations for the audience. It seems like an evil warlord wouldn’t care if his henchman kills a noble hero–that’s why he’s evil, right?

    Then there’s the passivity of the protagonist. He’s forced to do something based on something else, rather than his own internal decision.

     

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  2. Posted: April 28, 2019In:

    When two donors to a rising fascist leader commit suicide, a conspiracy theorist FBI agent must investigate if there is a connection; but when he discovers an elaborate CIA plot to stop the fascist, he must put his country before the law, and protect future targets by killing their leader.

    jelewis8 Logliner

    This seems to have too much information in it. It seems like you are also missing key components that would help you simplify AND have a stronger emotional connection. I think you can get rid of the first part entirely.   Next you've got some confusion about who the villain/antagonist is. Is itRead more

    This seems to have too much information in it. It seems like you are also missing key components that would help you simplify AND have a stronger emotional connection.
    I think you can get rid of the first part entirely.

     

    Next you’ve got some confusion about who the villain/antagonist is. Is it the fascist leader? The CIA plotters?

     

    Finally, where is the hook that will make this totally unique–something we’ve not seen before?

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