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A young mineworker with considerable magical powers, yearning for a better life, manages to gain an apprenticeship with a dark group of wizards, and soon learns that finding personal happiness entails as many deadly perils as choosing sides in the struggles between power-hungry factions.
I have to agree with Shark - too wordy. But let's try to condense it without losing the soul of your story. How about this: "A mineworker, blessed with magical powers, must choose between warring power-hungry wizard factions to find true happiness." Keep loglines down to one sentence - concise is thRead more
I have to agree with Shark – too wordy. But let’s try to condense it without losing the soul of your story. How about this: “A mineworker, blessed with magical powers, must choose between warring power-hungry wizard factions to find true happiness.” Keep loglines down to one sentence – concise is the key. Now the “warring” piece may not relate to your story, but I wanted to give a hint or some sense of conflict.
See lessWaking from a four year coma David is told his daughter just died. He joins a counselling group, but it's three months before his daughter dies. He wants to change his daughters future, the counsellor argues it isn't possible.
Interesting concept (time warp). But as far as loglines are concerned, it's imperative that they are concise (no more than one sentence). How about this (using your words, but twisting it around a bit): "After the death of his daughter, a father awakes from a four year coma shortly before his daughtRead more
Interesting concept (time warp). But as far as loglines are concerned, it’s imperative that they are concise (no more than one sentence). How about this (using your words, but twisting it around a bit): “After the death of his daughter, a father awakes from a four year coma shortly before his daughter’s demise.” Cut out the counselor verbage, it’s not essential and the reader can infer that this is an impossibility, but can buy in.
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