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?An unassuming young gentleman, still struggling to find his place in the world, must face off with the 19th Century?s greatest criminal Kingpin to rescue his childhood sweetheart from a life of sexual servitude and topple the criminal conspiracy which may lead all the way to the Royal Family?
The 'hint' of a twist is why I used 'Royal family' as opposed to revealing the actual twist. I will think about your suggestion anyway. I think I am coming rather close to my logline. and I've already written a very detailed synopsis with all the major set-pieces and a detailed and fairly complete sRead more
The ‘hint’ of a twist is why I used ‘Royal family’ as opposed to revealing the actual twist. I will think about your suggestion anyway.
I think I am coming rather close to my logline. and I’ve already written a very detailed synopsis with all the major set-pieces and a detailed and fairly complete sequence of events. In fact, I’m sure I have too much material at this point. I’m hoping the log-line will help me weed out unnecessary sections and tighten the plot.
thanks!
See less?An unassuming young gentleman, still struggling to find his place in the world, must face off with the 19th Century?s greatest criminal Kingpin to rescue his childhood sweetheart from a life of sexual servitude and topple the criminal conspiracy which may lead all the way to the Royal Family?
Hi DPG, You may be onto something here. Maybe she choses to stay behind after his first rescue attempt, in order to provide support from within the organisation. That way, her true rescue doesn't occur until the end, and thus bolsters his impetus to 're-enter the fray' in act 3. Good call. Thanks :)
Hi DPG,
You may be onto something here. Maybe she choses to stay behind after his first rescue attempt, in order to provide support from within the organisation. That way, her true rescue doesn’t occur until the end, and thus bolsters his impetus to ‘re-enter the fray’ in act 3.
Good call. Thanks 🙂
See less?An unassuming young gentleman, still struggling to find his place in the world, must face off with the 19th Century?s greatest criminal Kingpin to rescue his childhood sweetheart from a life of sexual servitude and topple the criminal conspiracy which may lead all the way to the Royal Family?
Nir, The reason I'm using 'gentleman, still struggling to find his place in the world', is he is literally a 'gentleman', relatively well off, generally educated but without a specific focused vocation. A bit of a poet, a bit of a scientist, etc. Is your suggestion that I give him a specific vocatioRead more
Nir,
The reason I’m using ‘gentleman, still struggling to find his place in the world’, is he is literally a ‘gentleman’, relatively well off, generally educated but without a specific focused vocation. A bit of a poet, a bit of a scientist, etc. Is your suggestion that I give him a specific vocation? I suppose I could make him a poet. His actual work is fairly irrelevant apart from the fact that he is generally an observer from the sidelines, rather than an active participant.
You suggest adding a lot of detail here. Isn’t that level of detail a little too much for a logline?
The bad-guy is a kingpin, because he controls a diverse criminal empire, just like those other Mafia bosses, drugs, racketeering, prostitution. He is all of the things you said. A notorious killer, a violent psychopath, and many other things. I thought that having him as a criminal ‘kingpin’ suggests all these things, without getting overly detailed. I could add in ‘mysterious’ or similar, as the identity of the villain is unknown until halfway through.
“face off” is used, because, again, he does a number of things to undermine and bring down the organisation. It isn’t a single duel, or a ‘set-up’ or an infiltration. It is a combination of them all, and that is part of the mystery for watching the movie. How he does it – is the reason for watching the film. (Am I wrong? do I really need to spell it out in the logline?)
the “may lead all the way” was just for dramatic effect and suspense (I guess it didn’t work!)… I take the note on that one!
thanks for the feedback!
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