1. Posted: April 16, 2012In:

    A deaf teenage rock cellist struggles to find her musical voice after the death of her mother.

    joey

    I haven't read the script:) There has to be something more here than just a musical voice - I agree. What guided her voice before the death of her Mother? Maybe her mother was the sole voice of encouragement and originally guided her? Perhaps her mother hated ROCK and she pursued it to simply to beRead more

    I haven’t read the script:)

    There has to be something more here than just a musical voice – I agree. What guided her voice before the death of her Mother? Maybe her mother was the sole voice of encouragement and originally guided her? Perhaps her mother hated ROCK and she pursued it to simply to be different and now doesn’t need to since she’s gone? I would fall in the “who cares” category by not knowing. But, if somehow it was made clear why the mother is so important, the rest would likely fall in place.

    A deaf, teenage cellist is grounds enough for a story and would make a good documentary. The idea that she plays ROCK provides more colour to the character, but the conflict of it all needs to be explained. I’m sure it’s a great story. I just need to know why. Best of luck!
    -Joey

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  2. Posted: April 17, 2012In:

    "SOMETIMES LOVE" Revised: A man with a checkered past determined to get his life back on track, falls for the woman who saves his life, but her drug addiction and past horrors may jeopardize everything he works for

    joey

    Maybe this helps: "Discovering her problems may be worse than his own, an ex-con second guesses falling for the woman who saved his life." -Joey

    Maybe this helps:

    “Discovering her problems may be worse than his own, an ex-con second guesses falling for the woman who saved his life.”

    -Joey

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  3. Posted: April 15, 2012In:

    When a man's visions of a lover from a past life reveal she may also be alive today, his initial curiosity turns to an all-consuming obsession as he attempts to challenge fate to be with her once again.

    joey

    Thanks Karel and SQM, this exercise has been an eye opener for me. We get so caught up in our stories (in OUR own heads) that the seemingly simple ideas get muddied up with useless and often misleading detail. Your experienced comments are very much appreciated. My head hurts from trying to crack thRead more

    Thanks Karel and SQM, this exercise has been an eye opener for me. We get so caught up in our stories (in OUR own heads) that the seemingly simple ideas get muddied up with useless and often misleading detail. Your experienced comments are very much appreciated.

    My head hurts from trying to crack this one open. If anyone has a minute, please take a look at my site: http://www.joeymay.com for a short synopsis of this story (I don’t want to clutter the page here). Perhaps having a better understanding of the story will open it up.

    SQM: Good observation with remembering the film “Somewhere in Time”. What makes this story different is that the protagonist’s visions reveal that his past lover is ALSO alive today – in present time. His challenge initially begins with trying to find her. But the real twist is that someone else is too – A 160 year ‘Love Triangle’ if you will.

    Thanks,
    -Joey

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