Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A man awaits the arrival of a violent time-travelling version of himself from 10 years in the future. After he is ‘killed’ by a female undercover cop determined to stop him from breaking bar, he is ‘saved’ by a female bounty hunter who hallucinates slices of the future and is determined to collect the bounty on his badass future self.
I love it! Great high concept. But you'll need to simplify the logline... The goal?(or 2nd act action) is wrapped in the final part of the logline: "is determined to collect the bounty on his badass future self". I would give this more prominence, and make it more active "is determined" feels weak.Read more
I love it!
Great high concept. But you’ll need to simplify the logline…
The goal?(or 2nd act action) is wrapped in the final part of the logline: “is determined to collect the bounty on his badass future self”.
I would give this more prominence, and make it more active “is determined” feels weak. We usually use “must” in a logline, as it is a lot stronger.
In summary:
Simplify the setup, and give more prominance to the 2nd act action.
I hope this helps!
Cheers,
Karel
See lessA soldier returns to his hometown only to find it more corrupt then before he left. In order to fix things he must go against everything he stands for.
Good logline, Clint! The inciting incident is the soldier's realisation that his hometown is (more) corrupt. Can you make this more specific, and include an event that affects the soldier personally? The goal 'to fix things' is strong, but somewhat vague. Typically, this will involve personal confliRead more
Good logline, Clint!
The inciting incident is the soldier’s realisation that his hometown is (more) corrupt. Can you make this more specific, and include an event that affects the soldier personally?
The goal ‘to fix things’ is strong, but somewhat vague. Typically, this will involve personal conflict. Who is he up against?
Finally, ‘go against everything he stands for’ is not visual enough for a movie. Can you be more specific here, too?
I hope this helps.
Welcome to Logline It!
Cheers,
Karel
See lessWhen a commitment-phobic long-haul truckie falls for a city writer online, he must cross more than the Nullarbor to win her heart or lose her to a city slicker.
Having read the story, this is a great logline. However, for non-Australians, the Nullarbor doesn't say much. Just say "the desert", or "1,675kms of desert" I would also remove "online", as it sits awkward at ?the end of the sentence. As it is a romance, or romantic comedy (can you do that?), I beliRead more
Having read the story, this is a great logline.
However, for non-Australians, the Nullarbor doesn’t say much. Just say “the desert”, or “1,675kms of desert”
I would also remove “online”, as it sits awkward at ?the end of the sentence.
As it is a romance, or romantic comedy (can you do that?), I believe it would be stronger if you could give the writer a flaw. Even if she is really flawless!! 🙂
See less