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A disgraced athletics coach comes to the aid of a homeless rebellious teenager and discovers she has outstanding athletics ability.
Thanks for the comments guys Paul
Thanks for the comments guys Paul
See lessDying single father on the run from his criminal past pursues misguided romance with a wealthy heiress to procure a new suitable home for his young son with special needs, but gets swept into her troubled word and confronts commiting murder in the place of someone she loves.
Hi Ch, It seems you are struggling with the English language. Is this correct? The logline is confusing... It also seems as if there is just too much going on. "Gets swept into her troubled word and confronts commiting murder" sits in the logline where we expect the 2nd act actions: The first part iRead more
Hi Ch,
It seems you are struggling with the English language. Is this correct?
The logline is confusing… It also seems as if there is just too much going on.
“Gets swept into her troubled word and confronts commiting murder” sits in the logline where we expect the 2nd act actions:
The first part is too generic. What does ‘gets swept into’ mean? What does it look like?
“Confronts committing murder” doesn’t really make sense to mee. Does he or doesn’t he?
Why not ask help from?a native English speaker when you work out what you would like to say? Then come back, and post a new version here in the comments. Good luck!
See lessA private investigator hired to expose a philanderer gets embroiled in deceit, murder and a web of sinister events culminating in an unforeseen tragedy
Nice logline! I think the story really starts when Gittes finds out that Evelyn Mulwray (is that her name?) is not who he thought she was. So this is the inciting incident. Try something along the lines of "When a [what is his flaw?] private investigator learns the real identity of an important clieRead more
Nice logline!
I think the story really starts when Gittes finds out that Evelyn Mulwray (is that her name?) is not who he thought she was. So this is the inciting incident.
Try something along the lines of “When a [what is his flaw?] private investigator learns the real identity of an important client, a case of adultery turns into a murder,?and he finds himself up against the most powerful Los Angelinos?in a?widespread water scandal.”
It’s a clunky start, but I think it has a few elements that are essential to this movie.
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