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A low-ranking police officer must infiltrate a hostage situation to save his dying wife and their unborn son.
At 19 words, this is a super tight logline, and the story is crystal clear. On the other hand, it feels fairly low-concept. So I'm wondering if there is a character journey for the police officer. Why is 'low-ranking' important in this story? This would be high stakes for any officer, I'd say. The tRead more
At 19 words, this is a super tight logline, and the story is crystal clear.
On the other hand, it feels fairly low-concept. So I’m wondering if there is a character journey for the police officer. Why is ‘low-ranking’ important in this story? This would be high stakes for any officer, I’d say.
The ticking clock is great. But why is she dying? Is she injured? I want to have hopes that both mother and child can be saved.
See lessWhen her rebellious daughter is abducted by a sinister cult, a desperate mother must follow the dangerous cult leader into the wilderness to save her.
In essence a great logline. Structurally sound, and a story with high stakes. A few points, though: I like the 'rebellious daughter', but 'desperate mother' doesn't really give us much about the mother, as we would expect any mother to be desperate. So it is not really seen as a moral flaw. Given thRead more
In essence a great logline. Structurally sound, and a story with high stakes.
A few points, though:
I like the ‘rebellious daughter’, but ‘desperate mother’ doesn’t really give us much about the mother, as we would expect any mother to be desperate. So it is not really seen as a moral flaw. Given that she is the Main Character, her flaw is effectively more important than the daughter’s.
“Follow” can mean two things: literally travel into the wilderness, or join the cult. I expect it to be the first, although this may not be the most exciting thing. It doesn’t really give us much info about what is to happen in Act 2.
I hope all this helps.
See lessA starving gnome terrorizes a Japanese teenager and a bus load of Japanese tourists for their trunk of delicious sushi after their tour bus breaks down in the Canadian wilderness.
Hi Ana, Well done for presenting your story idea in a workable logline! I agree with Clint. Keep it in the sequential order of the story. This makes it so much easier to read. Am I right in assuming this is a short film? It sounds like a fun idea, but not something you can extend into a feature concRead more
Hi Ana,
Well done for presenting your story idea in a workable logline!
I agree with Clint. Keep it in the sequential order of the story. This makes it so much easier to read.
Am I right in assuming this is a short film? It sounds like a fun idea, but not something you can extend into a feature concept easily…
And what is the genre? Horror? Comedy? Both?
Always ask “What would the audience do?” If I’m confronted with a starving/annoying/dangerous/killing gnome who’s after my sushi… I think I’d hand it over.
You can also give the teenager a little more depth. What makes him/her special? Why should this story happen to him/her? You can do this by just adding one or two adjectives: gullible, obese, orphaned, …
BTW – I find this logline more compelling than the one you submitted to the LVSC!
I hope all this helps.
See less