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Set in the 70's when many people are fleeing from brutal totalitarian regimes to pursue their dreams in the land of freedom and opportunity, Australia. However, when?Communist agents?team up with corrupt police the 'Croatian Six' realise their nightmare has only just begun.
In stead of "when many people are fleeing from brutal totalitarian regimes to pursue their dreams in the land of freedom and opportunity, Australia" try: "when Communist agents team up with corrupt police in 1970's Australia, ..." Next, I would expect something along the lines of: "a [main characterRead more
In stead of “when many people are fleeing from brutal totalitarian regimes to pursue their dreams in the land of freedom and opportunity, Australia” try:
“when Communist agents team up with corrupt police in 1970’s Australia, …”
Next, I would expect something along the lines of:
“a [main character description] must [main goal description].”
Hopefully the goal will clarify how the communists and police are antagonistic forces.
Good luck!
See lessUnder the glitz and glamour of TV Drama, Film, TVCs, follicle implants amid the ever-present stench of aspiration, a family comedy-drama unfolds between matriarch APRIL and her narcissistic son LUKE who?s keen to take over the agency?s reins. Supported by a cast of celebrities, everyday people with ambition in the entertainment industry and members of the audience who try their luck auditioning a risky project the agency?s casting; APRIL and LUKE strive for dizzy heights indeed.
Hi Hugh, Thanks for posting! I know this is long for a logline - see what you can cut to start with - but I thought I'd fix the post, as you had the title in the field for the actual logline... :) (Ooooh... I notice I have now also entered the sacred realm of the triple-digiters.) Perhaps to start oRead more
Hi Hugh, Thanks for posting! I know this is long for a logline – see what you can cut to start with – but I thought I’d fix the post, as you had the title in the field for the actual logline… 🙂
(Ooooh… I notice I have now also entered the sacred realm of the triple-digiters.)
Perhaps to start off, have a read of the tips elswhere on this site (“Write It”), focusing on the main character and main goal (Luke wants to take over the agency?), then tell us how this came about. What happened to him so this became a necessity (probably the Inciting Incident). Next, be specific about the obstacles in his way.
Good luck!
See less1999. Reception lounges are dying. After six years banishment, a CBD event manager reluctantly returns to work in The Palace, his old man?s Greek reception lounge in the suburbs, on their biggest wedding ever, and he will save his family from financial ruin and shame? If his father will just let him.
Congrats Tammie, you posted the 5,000th review on this site! Now on the logline: The reception lounge has nothing to do with the heart of this story (according to the rest of the logline), so just cut any mention of it. Also cut the mention of the CBD, it is irrelevant - and confusing as appears aboRead more
Congrats Tammie, you posted the 5,000th review on this site!
Now on the logline:
The reception lounge has nothing to do with the heart of this story (according to the rest of the logline), so just cut any mention of it.
Also cut the mention of the CBD, it is irrelevant – and confusing as appears above. Alex, it means “Central Business District”
This story is about an event manager who must save his family from financial ruin and shame but we need to have an idea HOW. What is this movie going to look like? Is it a thriller where the event manager has to take on the crooks in the business? Or – more likely – a drama? And then how do you make this story interesting?
You indicate there is conflict between the event manager and his father but why? Is the father conservative and against modern business practices? Still, I fail to see any cinematic angle here.
See less