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Just 3D-digitized, two famous Toon-actors of the forties must struggle to foil the Villains who want to make them spread an elusive virus which threaten the worldwide networks.
Awesome! Having just taught story for a whole day to screen students, animators and gaming artists, this is a nice logline to find on the site. :) I am a fan of single-hero stories, unless there is a clear reason why we have a dual protagonist situation. I wrote a little piece about this here: http:Read more
Awesome! Having just taught story for a whole day to screen students, animators and gaming artists, this is a nice logline to find on the site. 🙂
I am a fan of single-hero stories, unless there is a clear reason why we have a dual protagonist situation. I wrote a little piece about this here: http://thestorydepartment.com/dual-protagonists
From this particular logline I don’t understand why there are two heroes.
“who want to make them spread an elusive virus”: why can’t they just refuse? Must they foil the villains? From the logline it isn’t clear why.
Style: avoid “the Villains who..” followed by “an elusive virus which…”.
“the worldwide networks”: What is this? The internet? Otherwise, why would the audience care about these networks?
Finally, is there a character journey? I can imagine that the actors have trouble adapting to the 3-D world, but is this perhaps because of some character weakness/flaw?
Not all necessarily story problems, but aspects of the logline that can be clarified.
Have fun rewriting!
See lessA renegade medium is forced to rescue a time traveller?s spirit trapped in the past before the hauntings forever change the present.
I like it! Hmmm... A renegade medium and a trapped time traveller... Is this a Dual Protagonist movie by any chance? :) The only issue I can see is that 'forever change the present' is too vague. I have seen this before and would like to know how this meddling with time is different and unique in yoRead more
I like it!
Hmmm… A renegade medium and a trapped time traveller…
Is this a Dual Protagonist movie by any chance? 🙂
The only issue I can see is that ‘forever change the present’ is too vague. I have seen this before and would like to know how this meddling with time is different and unique in your story.
See lessDuring a galactic war between humans and aliens, a soldier and his team discover something ominous buried on a planet that threatens the lives of both species.
Sorry, but there is no story. What we have is an inciting incident. And 'something ominous' is terribly lazy. You want us to believe that this is going to be the coolest thing since Alien or light sabers. But I bet you it isn't. So there goes that promise. The risk you run with all this vagueness isRead more
Sorry, but there is no story. What we have is an inciting incident.
And ‘something ominous’ is terribly lazy. You want us to believe that this is going to be the coolest thing since Alien or light sabers. But I bet you it isn’t. So there goes that promise.
The risk you run with all this vagueness is: I will fill in what first springs to mind. Too bad if that’s going to be a terrible clich?.
I’m guessing that the soldier and his team will have to kill the ‘something ominous’ … or make it kill the baddies first.
See? You wouldn’t want ME to complete your story! 🙂
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