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From the depths of torture, abuse and slavery; a 90 lb. misfit conquers the United States Marine Corps bootcamp.? A story of perseverance and courage and on becoming an adult-male the USMC-way.
Good logline and potentially a satisfying story. But it can be improved. First off: cut the second sentence. Unnecessary. Next, what I would love to understand is: why? What is at stake for our hero? What does he get out of it and/or what does he have to lose? How is this movie going to be differentRead more
Good logline and potentially a satisfying story. But it can be improved.
First off: cut the second sentence. Unnecessary.
Next, what I would love to understand is: why? What is at stake for our hero? What does he get out of it and/or what does he have to lose?
How is this movie going to be different from, say, the first half of FULL METAL JACKET?
Finally: is there a Shadow character or villain we can visualise?
See lessIn a surprise trip home to her sister's wedding, Annabelle is accused of ruining her sister's marriage and destroying the family balance as mayhem seems to follow her wherever she goes.
From this logline, Annabelle is an impossibly passive character. It all happens to her - and she does nothing. In fact, there is no story. What is Annabelle's goal? How is she going to restore order? This will give you the direction for the film. In terms of the character, who is Annabelle? What isRead more
From this logline, Annabelle is an impossibly passive character. It all happens to her – and she does nothing. In fact, there is no story.
What is Annabelle’s goal? How is she going to restore order? This will give you the direction for the film.
In terms of the character, who is Annabelle? What is her age, function, flaw? What will Annabelle learn?
Read the section on how to write loglines and give it another try: https://loglines.org/howto.
Good luck!
See lessAs the British retreat during the spring offensive of 1918, an officer – haunted by his lost love – must lead his men into a final counter attack if he is to return home to win her back.
In the second act, this main character must do exactly what he is used to doing: lead his men into battle. Interesting stories often have a task that is unusual to the main character. Something they've never done before. The stakes are great: love and life. But I am missing the connection between wiRead more
In the second act, this main character must do exactly what he is used to doing: lead his men into battle.
Interesting stories often have a task that is unusual to the main character. Something they’ve never done before.
The stakes are great: love and life.
But I am missing the connection between winning the battle and winning the love. How does this work? Nice metaphor – but how is a victory going to give him his lost love back?
The wording is problematic, too. By putting “to win her back” at the very end, it sounds like the love story really only starts when he’ll return home: that’s when he’ll have to try and win her back. I’m sure it doesn’t work like this in the script but it is confusing in the logline.
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