1. Posted: February 13, 2013In:

    With stars in his eyes, small-town dreamer Dean arrives in Los Angeles only to have his Midwestern values destroyed as he encounters sex, lies, murder, and the realization that people are not always what–or who–they seem.

    katiefracas

    I like the improvements on this but how about giving us the PROCESS rather than the eventual outcome. (values destroyed) So something like (abbreviated) When a small town dreamer arrives in LA he'll have to fight to preserve his values in a town where people are not always who or what they seem OR WRead more

    I like the improvements on this but how about giving us the PROCESS rather than the eventual outcome. (values destroyed) So something like (abbreviated)

    When a small town dreamer arrives in LA he’ll have to fight to preserve his values in a town where people are not always who or what they seem

    OR

    When a small town dreamer arrives in LA he must adapt to a world of sex, lies and murder where people are not always who or what they see

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  2. Posted: February 13, 2013In:

    While investigating a missing persons case, tabloid journalist David Cross discovers a secret military base guarding a mysterious mansion in the woods of a rural Indiana town.

    katiefracas

    hi mmckean, I feel like in the above logline you have described the inciting incident rather than the main action of the story. I'm not clear whether the missing persons investigation will be the focus of your screenplay or whether the uncovered mystery to do with mansion will be. Intriguing premiseRead more

    hi mmckean,

    I feel like in the above logline you have described the inciting incident rather than the main action of the story.

    I’m not clear whether the missing persons investigation will be the focus of your screenplay or whether the uncovered mystery to do with mansion will be.

    Intriguing premise!

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  3. Posted: February 13, 2013In:

    After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist it falls to his insecure gangland girlfriend to unravel the truth from the lies and get her man out alive.

    katiefracas

    Better? After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist his insecure gangland girlfriend is forced to unravel the truth from the lies in her attempt to get him out alive.

    Better?

    After a hostage is taken in botched drug heist his insecure gangland girlfriend is forced to unravel the truth from the lies in her attempt to get him out alive.

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