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An ex-smuggler seeks a quiet life, until past criminal associates find him and terrorize his new family, demanding a bigger cut from their last job.
Yep, as it read currently I am left thinking ?Just give them the bigger cut? after all it is to save his family. Granted, I will assume it is spent or he got caught so doesn?t actually have it, so must do another job to get it back, but the current version doesn?t state that. My take: My his ex-partRead more
Yep, as it read currently I am left thinking ?Just give them the bigger cut? after all it is to save his family.
Granted, I will assume it is spent or he got caught so doesn?t actually have it, so must do another job to get it back, but the current version doesn?t state that.
My take: My his ex-partners kidnap his family, a retired smuggler has 48 hours to smuggle – enter item here – out of the country to get them back.
Depending on theme, what complications you want change the item. EG. Are they smuggling items (So think more Indiana Jones) or tech/software (So they are nore the hacker type.
See lessDue to IVF and genetic changes humanity only exist in the future as twins or multiple births. A self-proclaimed leader decides that the natural balance has to be restored by what he calls natural selection. The tormented genius ?Daggy? Pollux fights against the execution of his love interest who’s been selected as the weaker one.
You have a great "What If" but from there it gets a bit clunky. He may call it Natural Selection, but that doesn't help a reader as it seems this character has created something that we don't know is it a hunger games type event? Also don't need to add character names. Also 'Natural Balance' seems oRead more
You have a great “What If” but from there it gets a bit clunky.
He may call it Natural Selection, but that doesn’t help a reader as it seems this character has created something that we don’t know is it a hunger games type event?
Also don’t need to add character names.
Also ‘Natural Balance’ seems odd as he’d want a cure to the problem and if people have triplets or more only killing one leaves still 2/3+ more kids. So doesn’t make sense.
I guess twins and triplets might increase population, but maybe it wouldn’t as you’d stop the first set of kids.
Like I say, I like the what if, but feel need to explore the story more to mine the gold from within. Hope that helps
See lessWhen he falls in love with a writer and her amazing script, a con-artist poses as a producer while avoiding the people he swindled to turn the script into a film that will make more than any of his scams.
Hmm, there are bits you could cut here. The 'falls in love' reads as the inciting incident, but I think he should fall for this person over the story. I think to add stakes, his goal needs to be phrased in a way that he needs the money to pay someone off, this in turn will add to his choice where heRead more
Hmm, there are bits you could cut here. The ‘falls in love’ reads as the inciting incident, but I think he should fall for this person over the story.
I think to add stakes, his goal needs to be phrased in a way that he needs the money to pay someone off, this in turn will add to his choice where he must choose the one he now loves or giving away all their money. As it reads it seems he is avoiding people without much danger.
Given a week to pay his gambling debts, a con-artist poses as a producer and tricks a major studio into buying his latest movie and must con his home town into making it for him.
A bit rough but feel more focused.
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