1. Posted: December 1, 2016In:

    After his wife gives birth to a stillborn, a wizard has three days to enlist the help of the state?s only necromancer to resurrect his daughter and break a generational curse that will kill all the female children born into the family.

    Best Answer
    Knightrider Mentor

    Personally, I would have the daughter about to be born rather than need resurrection. Him having to remove the curse before his daughter's birth gives you a time limit and personal stakes. Also, maybe I am reading it wrong, but why remove the curse if a wizard can resurrect people from the dead?So IRead more

    Personally, I would have the daughter about to be born rather than need resurrection. Him having to remove the curse before his daughter’s birth gives you a time limit and personal stakes. Also, maybe I am reading it wrong, but why remove the curse if a wizard can resurrect people from the dead?

    So I’d write it “When he discovers his unborn child is to be a girl, a wizard must track down and capture the villainous necromancer to remove?a curse that’s killing his female offspring”

    Now, you can use the 0-8 month period to setup the world and the wizard’s worry etc, then only in the last month can a wizard determine gender and then he must go and return before the child is born.

    Hope that helps

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  2. Posted: November 16, 2016In:

    After an injury ruins hisscholarship, a teen jock must must defeat the school genius to win a robotics competition in order to fund his invention that will allow him to pursue his dream of playing college football.

    Knightrider Mentor

    My take: When he loses his scholarship to injury, an arrogant former player takes up team eSports and must learn what it takes to be a leader to guide his team to victory. It is a bit wordy, but I think it is more suited as I think it is more believable that a Jock would know how to play a game likeRead more

    My take: When he loses his scholarship to injury, an arrogant former player takes up team eSports and must learn what it takes to be a leader to guide his team to victory.

    It is a bit wordy, but I think it is more suited as I think it is more believable that a Jock would know how to play a game like Madden, or any game for that matter, than to suddenly be an inventor.

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  3. Posted: November 15, 2016In:

    After she covers up a murder, an ambitious cop must escape the clutches of the disturbed young man that blackmails her.

    Knightrider Mentor

    I don't think she is a killer though, she helped cover one up so I don't think she could just kill this person. Yep the goal is vague as what you currently mention probably will happen when she completes her arc and is willing to tell the truth no matter the consequences. This arc is the inner journRead more

    I don’t think she is a killer though, she helped cover one up so I don’t think she could just kill this person.

    Yep the goal is vague as what you currently mention probably will happen when she completes her arc and is willing to tell the truth no matter the consequences. This arc is the inner journey, so I feel that is what you are partially describing. I don’t see the finish line in my head if you know what I mean. Take Jurassic Park escape the Island I know when that happens and this know when the story is over, escape the clutches, well unless she is physically kidnapped I can picture that a billion ways which doesn’t tell me how the story ends.

    I personally don’t have an issue with the character it’all take some work to get an audience to bond, but I can picture a scene where the murder happens and she doesn’t want to cover it up, but has a young family wants a career so it’s this moment she loses faith in hard work paying off and thus her ambition is somewhat corrupted by her past experience and guilt. You could highlight this with a metaphor, maybe she took something the night of the murder so she’s literally been carrying this secret with her all her life she’s born from it and taking it off is the rebirth.

    Anyways hope that helps

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