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Following the discovery of an enemy radar station?s location, a pilot?s brash behavior threatens his chance to destroy it and earn the respect he craves.
Hi Mop I think what Nir is saying is that structurally it is a little confusing, despite the fact you have all the elements there. You say the discovery of the Station is the Inciting Incident, but his Objective is to destroy it. So, how can the Inciting Incident be the discovery? The inciting incidRead more
Hi Mop
I think what Nir is saying is that structurally it is a little confusing, despite the fact you have all the elements there. You say the discovery of the Station is the Inciting Incident, but his Objective is to destroy it. So, how can the Inciting Incident be the discovery? The inciting incident would actually be when he gets his mission to destroy it. ?So you kinda have it, and you are right the pieces are all there, but not quite right.
Earning respect may also be his goal, but generally in loglines you tend to focus on the physical goal. We should learn from the story that his brash behaviour has all been about proving himself and earning respect.
Hope that helps and hasn’t added to the confusion
See lessDesperate to make money, Tyler impersonates his twin sister taking her job as an Ubher driver. With Ryley as his passenger, the two hit a series of road bumps along the way that makes a trip from the San Fernando Valley to Los Angeles much longer than expected.
As mentioned, names aren't needed unless it is a franchise character an audience knows E.G. James Bond. It would seem to me the goal is to get from A to B, which means you have a road trip movie, which is could because you'll have heaps to research to get the style pacing etc, but the why isn't defiRead more
As mentioned, names aren’t needed unless it is a franchise character an audience knows E.G. James Bond.
It would seem to me the goal is to get from A to B, which means you have a road trip movie, which is could because you’ll have heaps to research to get the style pacing etc, but the why isn’t defined.
Ok, so they are desperate and that gives the motivation, but the story needs something. You say they are a twin, but that doesn’t seem to play into the logline, is she mistaken for her sister if not they don’t need to be a twin.
Needs some stakes, maybe a body in the boot, her sister is wanted by drug lords, what is the conflict in act 2?
See lessThe lives of a fierce punk rock teen girl, a lunatic homeless assassin, and a long dead soldier intertwine in a tale of violence and redemption.
As above has mentioned this seems more like the "How" you'll tell the story rather than the story itself. So if the girl is the protagonist, then I would go for something like:When lunatic assassin kills her band mates, a fierce punk rocker will recruit a long dead solider to help her chase him downRead more
As above has mentioned this seems more like the “How” you’ll tell the story rather than the story itself. So if the girl is the protagonist, then I would go for something like:
When lunatic assassin kills her band mates, a fierce punk rocker will recruit a long dead solider to help her chase him down and take her revenge.
Not sure if that’s what you want, but I have a clear understanding of the goal, inciting incident etc. I try and write loglines (Rightly or Wrongly) in three bits. The Incident in Act 1 that starts the story off, The main conflict in Act 2, Act 3’s resolution.
So above: Incited is the killing of Band Mates (Without this there isn’t a story), Main Act 2 Conflict: Working with the Solider to find Assassin, Act 3 Resolution: Gets revenge (Granted saying “Revenge” is a bit vague, but as a audience I can picture that it means to kill, or by overcoming a flaw, perhaps not to.
Hope that helps.
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