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Once a refugee herself, a newly appointed CEO leads a global military logistics company to relocate millions of stateless refugees, restarting their new lives in a custom-built communist eco-technotropolis utopia.
You have character motivation, but essentially you have a job rather than a story. What is the hook of this premise? Also the character might be distant from the action I.E. As a CEO these people often aren?t getting ?stuck in? so to speak. If it was focused on a former refugee turned CEO angered byRead more
You have character motivation, but essentially you have a job rather than a story.
What is the hook of this premise? Also the character might be distant from the action I.E. As a CEO these people often aren?t getting ?stuck in? so to speak.
If it was focused on a former refugee turned CEO angered by a system that is meant to help, but held up by red tape decides to help a group they met while accessing efforts get across the border is a more interesting story.
As it stands, and I don?t mean to dismiss the real suffering of others, it is a little to real life, day to day what makes this a story worth telling that is different than their day to day life.
Hope that helps
See lessAfter failing to reconnect with his estranged daughter, a corrupt NYPD cop changes his ways and goes after mobsters that are attacking the city.
Your inciting incident, failing to reconnect seems to lead directly to the end of his character arc. He was a bad person, now he isn?t. If he was a cop who was hiding his terrible actions and she discovered them it feels like this is the end of Act 2, like he tries to explain why he has done what heRead more
Your inciting incident, failing to reconnect seems to lead directly to the end of his character arc. He was a bad person, now he isn?t.
If he was a cop who was hiding his terrible actions and she discovered them it feels like this is the end of Act 2, like he tries to explain why he has done what he has done.
Now, if he is estranged from her and one day she calls him up asking for money and he realises she is in trouble or as his daughter took the mother?s name they sent him to go scare her to pay her debts, not realising the relation.
Then you can have them meet, he tries to help, while pretending to be a righteous cop here to put her in Witness Protection, the mob realise what is happening send bad guys, he then can?t go back to his life and it is then he decides to act in good faith.
See lessAn angel living under an alias on earth, must judge humanity, a choice that may damn his daughter to eternal death.
So this angel has been living as a human and had a daughter? He was also tasked with judging humanity? Why doesn?t he give it a pass, seems to solve the problem? The inciting incident seems a bit blurred as well, as what appears to be in the logline is more setup before your story starts. It is an iRead more
So this angel has been living as a human and had a daughter? He was also tasked with judging humanity? Why doesn?t he give it a pass, seems to solve the problem?
The inciting incident seems a bit blurred as well, as what appears to be in the logline is more setup before your story starts.
It is an intriguing setup, angels living among us, but that does also come with an intrinsic problem, if angels exist in the story, God must as well, so you?d need to explain why God the all knowning isn?t doing the watching. Of course, an easy excuse is angels have always done this work, but humans mistakenly assumed it was one being.
Anyways, I feel there is something there, but without a reason to not pass humanity to save his daughter, there are no stakes. It seems the story should be more about the consequences of having a child.
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