Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
Stolen by mad scientists, Henrietta?s telekinetic brain must reconcile with her blossoming body to defeat a cyborg octopus and win back her friends.
How could you not love a concept this lofty? :) Are you really writing this or just testing the waters? Because I'd love to see this one up on screen. Logline-wise, it's hard to see how it could be improved; it's punchy, cleanly-written, to-the-point and delivers all the necessary information. ThumbRead more
How could you not love a concept this lofty? 🙂 Are you really writing this or just testing the waters? Because I’d love to see this one up on screen. Logline-wise, it’s hard to see how it could be improved; it’s punchy, cleanly-written, to-the-point and delivers all the necessary information. Thumbs up.
See lessHomeless man trying to make friends with people, when all his attempts are not successful, and he is heavily beaten, he builds a rocket to launch himself into space.
A logline is brief so errors in sentence construction are glaring in a space so confined. As it is this would need to read, "A homeless man tries to make friends with people, but when all his attempts are unsuccessful and he is heavily beaten, he builds a rocket to launch himself into space." As a lRead more
A logline is brief so errors in sentence construction are glaring in a space so confined. As it is this would need to read, “A homeless man tries to make friends with people, but when all his attempts are unsuccessful and he is heavily beaten, he builds a rocket to launch himself into space.”
As a logline this seems unnecessarily long, though, and so lacks punch. There’s a lot of information you could condense into single statements to increase flow and momentum, rather than just handing out the plot points ike a list (1. Homeless man trying to make friends with people. 2. All his attempts are not successful. 3. He is badly beaten. 4. He builds a rocket.). I’m thinking along the lines, “When a homeless man’s attempts at friendship are met with violence, he builds a rocket to escape into space.”
It’s not a real humdinger either, but can you see what I mean about combining information? I think this is a much better way to go as far as loglining this one. As a concept it’s appealing; I’d watch this.
See lessBased on the young adult CHERUB novels; Two young agents are sent to New Zealand to help bring a gang leader behind bars.
I don't know about help "bring" a gang leader behind bars. I get the compulsion to go for something other than the cliche "put", but I'm not sure if it's necessary here. Either way I don't think "bring" works - hit up the thesaurus, maybe? I know I would. :) And is it necessary to spruik the novelsRead more
I don’t know about help “bring” a gang leader behind bars. I get the compulsion to go for something other than the cliche “put”, but I’m not sure if it’s necessary here. Either way I don’t think “bring” works – hit up the thesaurus, maybe? I know I would. 🙂
And is it necessary to spruik the novels they’re based on in the logline? They may be words better spent on revealing a bit more of the story. Can you get in the reason kids are best for this mission – that they aim to befriend the leader’s own children – without blowing the word count? Also, why bother with “young”? Too vague. Your description says 16 and 13 – how about just going with “teenaged”? Nails the audience and provides valuable character info in one.
See less