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A college football star’s dream of turning pro is jeopardized when he’s charged with the task of caring for his niece following his sister’s tragic death.
"college football star" = protagonist "dream of turning pro" = main character goal "jeopardized when he me must care for niece following his sister’s tragic death" = inciting incident Great logline! Has all three important elements, character, goal & conflict. Even has strong emotional qualitiesRead more
“college football star” = protagonist
“dream of turning pro” = main character goal
“jeopardized when he me must care for niece following his sister’s tragic death” = inciting incident
Great logline! Has all three important elements, character, goal & conflict. Even has strong emotional qualities, with death of a sister.
Going deep, does this then mean the ‘niece’ is the antagonist? Seems to be the principle character preventing a hero from achieving his goal.
If so, a possible refinement might be to add a layer of psychology. What kind of character might the niece be? What if she had internal traits directly opposite to the football star? For example, she might be very affectionate, and he might be cold and heartless. Or, she might be sad and remorseful, while he might just want to get on with life. Such a refinement may really add to character arch – a heartless football star -> transforms into -> a warm and loving uncle …
See lessInterwined stories between an Russian immigrant, a brother and sister dealing with their abusive father, a drug dealer and a pimp in four tales of sex, drugs and murder in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn.
"Russian immigrant" = protagonist "sex, drugs and murder" = inciting incident "Brighton Beach, Brooklyn." = story setting "a brother and sister, a drug dealer and a pimp " = Villain? For me, the challenge of this logline is the vagueness of the word 'Intertwined' ... Who is doing what to whom? A RusRead more
“Russian immigrant” = protagonist
“sex, drugs and murder” = inciting incident
“Brighton Beach, Brooklyn.” = story setting
“a brother and sister, a drug dealer and a pimp ” = Villain?
For me, the challenge of this logline is the vagueness of the word ‘Intertwined’ … Who is doing what to whom?
A Russian in Brooklyn is the strength of this logline, setting up a kind’a cold war conflict – if this was the intention. The logline implies family immigration, but fails to state gender of protagonist. Guessing it is a male immigrant, maybe?
Drug dealing and pimping implies criminal activity, but in what way. Who has sold drugs to whom, did the Russian smuggle drugs?
As you can sense, this logline creates more questions, than answers. Mystery might make good marketing, but clarity is what makes for strong story proposals.
See lessA presumed dead father explains to his son the connection between his dreams and heaven.
"A father" = protagonist " presumed dead" = inciting incident " explains to his son the connection between his dreams and heaven" = main character goal A father is archetypal, an emotionally powerful relationship bridging generation and ensuring genetic immortality. " presumed dead" is evocative, buRead more
“A father” = protagonist
” presumed dead” = inciting incident
” explains to his son the connection between his dreams and heaven” = main character goal
A father is archetypal, an emotionally powerful relationship bridging generation and ensuring genetic immortality. ” presumed dead” is evocative, but vague. Who caused the death, the son? Was it an accident or … murder!?
While a philosophical debate about heaven’s relationship to dreams may engage some audiences (I for one certainly believe dream work is a valuable tool for story development), it lacks tangibility. In particular, the Adventure genre is very ‘physical’, outwardly moving toward a clear and material goal. The hero must get the Witch’s broom, the police Chief must kill the man eating shark, Batman must capture the Joker, etc …. you get the picture.
Perhaps a McGuffin resides in heaven/dream land, that must be stolen by a hero, to win back his son’s love … just riffing ideas!
See less