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A grieving mothers accidental killing of a crime boss collides with her estranged fathers underworld debts, reunited they must escape a police hunt across country in an effort to prove their innocence.
"grieving mother" = protagonist "accidental killing of a crime boss" = inciting incident "must escape a police hunt across country in an effort to prove their innocence" = main character goal If this were my logline, I'd ask myself, Why set the scene with a grieving mother? A way to establish strongRead more
“grieving mother” = protagonist
“accidental killing of a crime boss” = inciting incident
“must escape a police hunt across country in an effort to prove their innocence” = main character goal
If this were my logline, I’d ask myself, Why set the scene with a grieving mother? A way to establish strong audience pity, perhaps, but what is she grieving over? As reader, the only clue is maybe she is grieving over her estranged father’s underworld debts, but then, maybe not!
The main villain in this story is the ‘Police’. A villain can be just as important as the hero in a story, so who is this police person? Male/female, old/young? Consider a little character depth to the bad guy, and see what happens!
Take for example the film The Fugitive (1993). Here we have an innocent character, who accidently enters a murder scene of his wife, only to become the lead suspect of a thrilling police chase. Clearly the police are the ‘bad guys’, because they are mistaken about our poor Fugitive and the crime. But Tommy Lee Jones plays such a good ‘bad guy’, that we sit seat edged, wanting to know who will win.
Crime boss, accidental killing, estranged fathers, and underworld debts, may all be too many ingredients. That might simply be replaced by just one good, ‘bad guy’.
See lessA reluctant psychic’s near death experience reveals her soul family is trapped in karmic loops; unless she finds the strength to confront her narcissistic mother by using her psychic abilities to uncover their past life mistakes they’ll remain trapped reliving the same life and death experiences for eternity.
reluctant psychic = protagonist near death experience = inciting incident confront her narcissistic mother = story goal + villain remain trapped reliving the same life and death experiences for eternity = story stakes Picked this logline up in the 'Review Needed' section, so lets have a go! Feels liRead more
reluctant psychic = protagonist
near death experience = inciting incident
confront her narcissistic mother = story goal + villain
remain trapped reliving the same life and death experiences for eternity = story stakes
Picked this logline up in the ‘Review Needed’ section, so lets have a go!
Feels like the character arc might be the classic story form of reluctant protagonist transforming into courageous hero. Now, and if this were my logline, I’d review the inciting incident stage. Near death experiences are powerful, but “reveals her soul family is trapped in karmic loops” is not an archetypal experience and difficult for most non-psychics to relate to. Confronting a narcissistic mother, however is archetypal, something audiences may more readily relate to. The missing link, technically speaking, the “Cause and Effect”, that is specifically, what evil act did mother actually do to our poor, struggling hero? To then cause us (the audience) to feel not only sorry for her, but motivate to root for her throughout the rest of the story? Of course it’s your story, but riffing here when I mention Sleeping Beauty. She had a step-mom, who had a henchman try kill her, because, well, who was the most narcissistic of them all … I my opinion, all storytelling is derivative, learn from the great stories of the past. And then add a little psychic dimensionality for originality! 😉
See lessAfter he loses all his money in the stock market and Las Vegas, a successful financial advisor has an opportunity to get out of debt—if he facilitates the takeover and dismantling of a friend’s family business.
"a successful / smooth-talking financial advisor" = protagonist "loses all his money (personal investments) in stock market/gambling" = inciting incident "must takeover and dismantle a friend's family business" = main character goal Great logline! Feels like the basis for a gripping tragedy. ImpliedRead more
“a successful / smooth-talking financial advisor” = protagonist
“loses all his money (personal investments) in stock market/gambling” = inciting incident
“must takeover and dismantle a friend’s family business” = main character goal
Great logline! Feels like the basis for a gripping tragedy. Implied character arc seems to be from bad to worse, as fleeting success, leads to losing it all, which leads to dishonoring a good friend (and their family). This guy sounds super villainous, and might benefit from just a garnish of positive character traits. Story’s power lay in guiding audience toward empathizing with a main character. This can be achieved in one of two ways: virtuous character traits, or virtuous actions. Hope I don’t sound unkind when pointing out this this guy is, well, a bit of a loser … BUT, what if there was one likeable thing about him? For example, riffing here, what if he was a family guy, loved his family a lot. Then, when confronted with the dilemma of hurting another family, WOW! Won’t this character feel twisted inside! We (the audience) will be on seat’s edge, waiting to see what will this family guy – who isn’t that good with money – do, when in a situation of financial redemption that will hurt his best friend’s family?
P.S. as far as financial advisors go, in the real world, plenty go belly-up, and are still “successful.” But only when they trade ‘other’ people’s money – not their own 🙂
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