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  1. Posted: January 19, 2020In: Examples

    When a selfish store clerk finds himself in the middle-ages, he clumsily awakens an ancient evil in an effort to return home; in doing so, he finds himself fighting armies of un-dead to not only save himself but humanity.  

    lempicka Logliner
    Added an answer on January 19, 2020 at 8:35 pm

    I like this, but I was wondering what the impact of the armies of the undead will have - as this is set in the middle ages, will the undead kill the future (as in Back to The Future)?

    I like this, but I was wondering what the impact of the armies of the undead will have – as this is set in the middle ages, will the undead kill the future (as in Back to The Future)?

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  2. Posted: January 17, 2020In: Drama

    After a childhood and adolescence of abuse by her father and stepfather, an adult woman must figure out the pieces of her trauma and how to overcome it.

    lempicka Logliner
    Added an answer on January 18, 2020 at 3:25 am

    Why does she have to do this now? And what will happen to her if she doesn't reach her goal? I think it would be stronger as (in the feedback above) there's a specific goal in mind.

    Why does she have to do this now? And what will happen to her if she doesn’t reach her goal? I think it would be stronger as (in the feedback above) there’s a specific goal in mind.

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  3. Posted: January 17, 2020In: Examples

    When a disgraced bodyguard is hired to transport a smarmy hitman to the Hague, the two have one weekend to outsmart, outrun, outgun, or evade, every assassin in Europe, and that’s if the two doesn’t shoot each other first.

    lempicka Logliner
    Added an answer on January 18, 2020 at 3:21 am

    This sounds like fun, but the threat seems to come from so many sources all at the same time, it doesn't grip as much as it could. Could you include some info on why they have to go to the Hague, and why one has to escort the other? What are the consequences if they don't (both) make it alive?

    This sounds like fun, but the threat seems to come from so many sources all at the same time, it doesn’t grip as much as it could. Could you include some info on why they have to go to the Hague, and why one has to escort the other? What are the consequences if they don’t (both) make it alive?

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