Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
After the death of his employer, a devoted bodyguard is far from knowing he has inherited all plus the old demons of his employer of which he has to fight to save his life and that of the daughter of the deceased with whom he has a secret affair
Hey Songo, I read your logline and liked the premise but I felt as though the word length detracted from the whole "pitch" aspect as it needs to be more direct to be considered more effective as a logline. Here's a rewritten logline for your consideration: When a devoted bodyguard inherits his deadRead more
Hey Songo,
I read your logline and liked the premise but I felt as though the word length detracted from the whole “pitch” aspect as it needs to be more direct to be considered more effective as a logline. Here’s a rewritten logline for your consideration:
When a devoted bodyguard inherits his dead employer’s debts he must fight for the lives of both himself and the daughter of the deceased, with whom his affairs are becoming evermore prevalent.
Merry Christmas.
See lessA horse rider develops a relationship with a woman in order to help overcome her fear of horses.
I don't understand how the protagonist can be described as a being a "horse rider" when they are also described as having a fear of horse riding. Does the protagonist have a mental disability and is seeking equine therapy? Or perhaps the protagonist was a former jockey and is recovering from fallingRead more
I don’t understand how the protagonist can be described as a being a “horse rider” when they are also described as having a fear of horse riding. Does the protagonist have a mental disability and is seeking equine therapy? Or perhaps the protagonist was a former jockey and is recovering from falling off a horse mid-race and wants to shake off her newfound fear of horse riding?
Currently the character in your logline does make much sense and this is bad since character is one of the most crucial things to communicate in a logline. Once found a way to better describe your character you then need to consider how to best describe the story, I need more of an understanding as the details of the relationship with the “woman” since it is not explained how that is related to the protagonist’s fear of horses.
See lessA rural grandfather with a distant relationship with his urbanite daughter will try to convince her that his granddaughter study the next year in the village school and so the school will not close
Ending the logline with "workaholic parents." could work too, given it informs the reader that the granddaughter does indeed have a father figure, (mention of her mother sounds more personal). My edit makes it sound like there is no father figure, which you have stated is not the case, so take thisRead more
Ending the logline with “workaholic parents.” could work too, given it informs the reader that the granddaughter does indeed have a father figure, (mention of her mother sounds more personal). My edit makes it sound like there is no father figure, which you have stated is not the case, so take this with a grain of salt.
See less