A logline is a concise summary of the plot up to at least the midpoint but possibly the end of Act II.

You’ve given us a very interesting situation but you need to give us a goal. When she’s at risk of being disbarred, what is she going to do about it?

Scrap the “flying or falling with style bit” – it means nothing in a logline as it doesn’t tell me anything about the plot. Merely that she’s in a predicament and she doesn’t know what to do. Think of it this way: If I asked you to imagine someone who was “no longer sure if she was flying or falling with style” would you be interested in what you saw? Or would you just be picturing a woman thinking?

The inciting incident here is being discovered that she strips for extra cash. This, coupled with the fact she’s an attorney is great. Stick with it! As it stands though, this is just the inciting incident:

“When a well-respected judge discovers she’s a part-time stripper putting her career at risk, a struggling public defender and mother must…”

This isn’t great, but it gives us a primary antagonist – a physical figure who can represent the antagonistic views ?of society with her choices – and sets her up so we know who she is, why she does it, and what she stands to lose.

We don’t need to know it’s 3 kids – she’s a mother so that’ll do. The dominatrix and control freak bit… it’s interesting but, personally, I would either go with “dominatrix” or “stripper”. I think dominatrix is potentially more interesting and less cliche.

Definitely an interesting situation so keep going with this one.

My issue with this is you’re suggesting the only way a young man with Aspergers is capable of having the mental faculties to investigate a crime is to take a drug to change his brain. In the world we live in today, I don’t think this is the sort of message that is wanted or needed. Instead, can I suggest that BECAUSE of his Aspergers he’s the ONLY ONE capable of perceiving things in a certain way that allows him to see the murder in a different way. That’s actually the hook.

Re: protagonist – can you be more specific rather than young man. Young man could be anything from say 16 to 30? you mentioned classmates so we can assume he’s in school – but there’s a big difference between say 16 and say 21. My recommendation is to tell us how old he is. It’s important we understand that as it’s fundamental to understanding the society around this kid.

His goal isn’t to simply investigate – it’s to solve the murder.

What’s the inciting incident? It obviously relates to the murder but as this is about his Aspergers, I think it needs to be something that he alone sees that leads him to investigate.

Genre-wise – I don’t see this as a thriller. I see it as a mystery verging on noir. Thriller MUST have a ticking clock in the logline in my opinion.

I like the idea of a kid with Aspergers investigating a murder though. Have you read the book “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”? I’d recommend it if not.