1. Posted: February 7, 2020In:

    In a future post-apocalypse society, where reproduction is only for ?the worthy?, a young woman chosen for reproduction must convince her leaders to spare her life after announcing that she doesn?t want to have children.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I think you have a really interesting situation BUT the goal of simply convincing her leaders is a bit weak. You've got this really cool post-apocalyptic setting, but all the action could take place in one room. There is the potential for SO much more! Easiest option - she runs away and they start hRead more

    I think you have a really interesting situation BUT the goal of simply convincing her leaders is a bit weak. You’ve got this really cool post-apocalyptic setting, but all the action could take place in one room. There is the potential for SO much more!

    Easiest option – she runs away and they start hunting her. Now that’s more like it! Obviously whilst out on the run, she discovers a community on the edge of society that do things their own way, everyone can live the life they choose and they take her in. Chances are she meets a guy there and her views start changing, but then her presence there threatens this small community… etc etc.

    From a logline perspective though it’s pretty good.

    In a post-apocalyptic future where reproduction is only for “the worthy”, after announcing she doesn’t want children, an independent young woman, chosen for reproduction, becomes a fugitive with a bounty on her head as she seeks to live her life as she chooses.?

    Given how much is currently going on in the world about what women choose to do with their bodies is their choice, the #MeToo movements, etc etc. it’s the perfect time for a film like this.

    Good work!

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  2. Posted: January 28, 2020In:

    A man with multiple personality disorder is being held captive by a murderous cult or his own personalities. He must rescue a girl who may or may not exist and escape.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    >>>We never see anyone on screen except the protagonist. Ahhh... it makes a little more sense to me now! That's really difficult to put in a logline then! I think the logline potentially needs to be worded in such a way so it's obvious that he's the only person we see on screen. I've alwaysRead more

    >>>We never see anyone on screen except the protagonist.

    Ahhh… it makes a little more sense to me now! That’s really difficult to put in a logline then! I think the logline potentially needs to be worded in such a way so it’s obvious that he’s the only person we see on screen. I’ve always assumed that there will be multiple characters, the girl especially. Particularly since you said “The girl is discovered while he is trying to escape. He just can?t leave her.” and “While escaping he finds a girl”. That suggests we see her on screen.

    My assumption is, by saying “mysterious cult or his own personalities” and “may or may not exist”, it suggests that the protagonist is trying to figure out between these two options. Whereas, actually, based on previous stuff you’ve said he believes he’s being held captive and we don’t discover it’s by his own personalities until the end. Describing him as a someone with multiple personality disorder gives away the ending in my head.

    So with this in mind, how about:

    When he wakes up in a cell to the sounds of a girl being tortured, a resourceful amnesiac must?rescue her and?escape while piecing together the clues and his flashbacks to uncover the disturbing truth about his captors.?

    If he hears the girl at the MPR, then:

    When he wakes up in a cell, a resourceful amnesiac must find a way to escape, but when he hears a girl being tortured he must find and rescue her as he pieces together the clues and his flashbacks to uncover the disturbing truth about his captors.

    Does this help at all? Is it any closer?

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  3. Posted: January 31, 2020In:

    After rescuing a baby found outside of her family’s cabin,? an apathetic teen must shelter him from the approaching blizzard and fend off relentless attacks from his monstrous, “Parent,” until the storm passes.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I think this is really interesting logline.Usually, ambiguity is not advised. In this case, however, the language used, and the speech marks spark so much interest that I want to read more. Really interesting approach.I do have a couple of questions though:How do we know this monstrous "parent" is tRead more

    I think this is really interesting logline.

    Usually, ambiguity is not advised. In this case, however, the language used, and the speech marks spark so much interest that I want to read more. Really interesting approach.

    I do have a couple of questions though:

    How do we know this monstrous “parent” is the baby’s parent? If it’s immediately obvious, then I worry that the teen is then stopping a parent from having its child back… not the best from an empathy side. However, if the baby and the parent are visually different enough (caterpillar and butterfly for example), then I wonder if “parent” should be in the logline since that is almost the reveal. The monster simply wanted their child back.

    Sparks an interesting discussion about whether the logline should be written from the viewpoint of the protagonist and only what they see, or if it should be from an outsider’s perspective. The audience is aware the monster is the parent but the protagonist is not.

    Personally, I think the logline is stronger for this approach but I would maybe tweak to make sure the protagonist is unaware of this fact.

    I’ve made assumptions about your idea based on this logline – the baby isn’t a human baby , the monstrous “parent” is a monster. I’d be intrigued to see if others make these same assumptions and also to hear if these assumptions are correct.

    A few minor things:

    Once the storm passes, it doesn’t resolve the issue of the baby and the monster. The teen wouldn’t just put the baby back after the storm. Does the first attack happen at the Act I climax? Or is that perhaps the discovery that the baby isn’t a baby? Maybe consider an MPR.

    Apathetic – As soon as the teen takes the baby inside, where does she go (arc-wise)?

    I’d maybe say, rather than “fend off”, “protect from”. I think it’s stronger.

    Very intrigued to see where this goes. I agree with Richiev, tweaks not an overhaul.

    Hope this helps.

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