Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
England 1962. Two teenage sisters, sibling rivals who argue over everything, go to an all-night party that launches their career as pop singers. Will they rocket to stardom or fizzle out like a defective cherry bomb?
Check out the Formula page to help with formatting or, even better, use the awesome Generator that makes the whole process easier. Is one of these sisters the protagonist? Or is it a dual protagonist story? Or is one more of the antagonist? Who discovers them? What must they do to get the stardom thRead more
Check out the Formula page to help with formatting or, even better, use the awesome Generator that makes the whole process easier.
Is one of these sisters the protagonist? Or is it a dual protagonist story? Or is one more of the antagonist? Who discovers them? What must they do to get the stardom they want (assuming that’s what they want)?
At the moment, simply based on this logline, these two characters feel like they’re being dragged through the story. They are discovered accidentally and whether they are successful or not doesn’t seem to be determined by them. The protagonist(s) must be proactive. They must be making choices and though the conflicts that arise from these choices we get our story.
How is this going to be different to films like A Star is Born or Bohemian Rhapsody?
Hope this helps.
See lessA 15 year old child prodigy who was born with amazing powers and abilities must unwittingly use those powers to save the city of Boston from a psychotic superpowered cult leader with the help of his equally reluctant and estranged grandfather…a former criminal genius supervillain.
Why does the cult leader want to destroy a city? What's he hoping to achieve by doing this? I find a good exercise for writing a believable villain is to write a logline from their perspective too. No hero should be unwilling. They may be hesitant to start but ultimately they have to choose to stepRead more
Why does the cult leader want to destroy a city? What’s he hoping to achieve by doing this? I find a good exercise for writing a believable villain is to write a logline from their perspective too.
No hero should be unwilling. They may be hesitant to start but ultimately they have to choose to step into Act II. The grandfather character can totally be reluctant, but as soon as the hero makes that decision to use their powers for good he HAS to stick to it.
Seems to be a lot of superpowers floating around in this world. Are there more people with powers? If so, why is it this 15 year old who has to do something? If not, how are you going to explain them? Every single superhero has an explanation for their abilities. They’re aliens, bitten by a radioactive spider, built a suit, created by man, etc, etc. So far, I feel like we have to accept a world where someone can just be born with powers. Oh but his grandfather has powers too. Oh and this other dude. It starts getting a bit problematic in my head. How do you see this working?
In your revised version, the whole “disappearance of a family friend and injuring of his brother” really doesn’t add anything. It doesn’t seem to relate to the supervillain in any way either. Accepting his powers and going after the main villain is the climax of Act 1.
I really like the super boy and super grandpa dynamic so stick with this but figure out what’s important, what’s the main spine of the story and write the logline around that. I liked the way you ended with the whole “working ?with grandpa” bit… it adds a great comedic twist on the story and helps me imagine the tone of the film better. I hope that’s what you were intending. Give us a 3 dimensional bad guy too.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a disgraced schoolgirl is sent home, she finds her rural outback town dying. With everything hopeless, she sets about to remake the town, fighting with corrupt politicians, billionaire mining magnets and ?apathetic ?townspeople to create a prosperous future.
When you say "schoolgirl" do you mean 5 year old or 15 year old? I'm assuming that she's at a boarding school or similar? This makes a pretty big difference to the story and it's the sort of thing that a reader will struggle to visualise if you're not more specific. yqwertz's feedback is great. I agRead more
When you say “schoolgirl” do you mean 5 year old or 15 year old? I’m assuming that she’s at a boarding school or similar? This makes a pretty big difference to the story and it’s the sort of thing that a reader will struggle to visualise if you’re not more specific.
yqwertz’s feedback is great. I agree that the I.I. and the goal are currently just simply too broad. I struggle to visualise any of it because there seems like so much for her to do and I don’t understand how a schoolgirl has the ability to do all of that.
yqwertz’s version is really good. I would take that as a starting point and adapt that into the story you want to tell. Narrow the scope and give us some more specifics.
Definitely think there’s a story in here though so stick with it!
Hope this helps.
See less