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  1. Posted: October 22, 2019In: Thriller

    When she starts being tormented by an evil force,? a business woman must seek help from her husband after he is committed to a psychiatric hospital for trying to open her third eye.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on October 23, 2019 at 6:06 pm

    The protagonist should never be driven to an unwanted transformation. An audience will struggle to get behind a passive character who just lets things happen to her. PROtagonists must be PROactive. I can't help but think that the husband's story is way more interesting than the wife's. He's got an iRead more

    The protagonist should never be driven to an unwanted transformation. An audience will struggle to get behind a passive character who just lets things happen to her. PROtagonists must be PROactive.

    I can’t help but think that the husband’s story is way more interesting than the wife’s. He’s got an interesting history, a quest to find the Dead Sea scrolls, and a goal of using that to get his wife back. He is the one being proactive in the story, and in interesting ways. I feel like it’s a story about a man with a tragic history trying to win back the love of his life – just in a very desperate and terrifying way.

    Could you start with him as the protagonist but at the midpoint you could flip the whole story and make her the protagonist? The lengths he goes to win her back start becoming increasingly violent and this sets up the wife’s goal of escape.

     

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  2. Posted: October 11, 2019In: Coming of Age

    When she allows her husband’s overdose, a neglectful young mother must embark on a journey of recovery or risk losing her children to the system forever.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on October 11, 2019 at 5:49 pm

    Recovery from what? Being neglectful? or the guilt of allowing her husband's overdose? What does this journey of recovery look like on screen? Is it an emotional journey? Or a physical one (road trip?)? Film is a visual medium so it's good to use a visual goal to represent emotional goals.  

    Recovery from what? Being neglectful? or the guilt of allowing her husband’s overdose?

    What does this journey of recovery look like on screen? Is it an emotional journey? Or a physical one (road trip?)? Film is a visual medium so it’s good to use a visual goal to represent emotional goals.

     

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  3. Posted: October 1, 2019In: Thriller

    When a bullied classmate turns up drowned, meek hall monitor must team up with their high school tormentor in order to catch the culprit.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on October 2, 2019 at 5:41 pm

    Kinda feel like this should be in the "mystery" or "crime" category instead of a thriller. As yqwertz said, why must the students find the culprit? There needs to be a reason why the police are written off otherwise a reader's first question is always going to be why aren't the police dealing with tRead more

    Kinda feel like this should be in the “mystery” or “crime” category instead of a thriller.

    As yqwertz said, why must the students find the culprit? There needs to be a reason why the police are written off otherwise a reader’s first question is always going to be why aren’t the police dealing with this and if they are, why does this kid feel the need to get involved. There needs to be something personal about this incident – as in Richiev’s version – it’s the best friend who dies.

    Why does the protagonist NEED to team up with the bully? I get the odd couple dynamic you’re going for but there must be a really good reason for it.

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