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This romantic, sci-fi action fantasy is set in a medieval world where war is common and survival is a daily struggle. The young heroine, Betha must persevere to overcome beasts, barbarians, ice Vikings, mythical creatures, elves and savages throughout the kingdom who all want her head.
We don't need names in a logline. It takes up valuable words - a logline should ideally be under 40 words. If there's a certain amount of world building required to understand the story then, obviously, go for it. It's a guideline only. Check out the formula page to help with how a logline should beRead more
We don’t need names in a logline. It takes up valuable words – a logline should ideally be under 40 words. If there’s a certain amount of world building required to understand the story then, obviously, go for it. It’s a guideline only.
Check out the formula page to help with how a logline should be formatted. The main things we need though are an inciting incident (something that kick starts the story and poses a question for the protagonist), a protagonist, and a goal (that is the protagonist’s answer to the question posed in the inciting incident).
Currently, all we have is a situation where your protagonist is simply avoiding being killed and battling people/creatures. To what end? Why do they want her head? What’s she trying to achieve? Who is Betha? How young is young? 8 or 20?
It’s more Fantasy than SciFi. SciFi, to me, is taking the world as we know and advancing it in some or many scientific ways. Space travel, aliens, futuristic worlds, etc. etc. I think setting it in a medieval world with mythical creatures – this screams Fantasy. Game of Thrones is a Fantasy. Not a SciFi. It might seem trivial, but if a production company are looking to make a new “Game of Thrones” type show and they search their loglines by genre… yours won’t come up.
Where’s the romance element?
Ultimately, I think we have a good idea of the world but no sense of the story. Story is the most important thing in a logline. A logline IS the story – albeit condensed into 40 words or less (ideally).
See lessAs she attempts another comeback, a bottom of the bottle b list movie queen recounts her rise to the top.
I quite like this idea. I would maybe adjust it slightly to fit a more conventional logline format. I also think that if she's a a movie queen who has risen to the top already, why does she need a comeback? Here's my take: When she's offered a starring role in a Hollywood blockbuster, a fallen-from-Read more
I quite like this idea. I would maybe adjust it slightly to fit a more conventional logline format. I also think that if she’s a a movie queen who has risen to the top already, why does she need a comeback? Here’s my take:
When she’s offered a starring role in a Hollywood blockbuster, a fallen-from-grace former teen icon recounts her rise to the top as she battles her secret alcoholism in order to claw her way back on the A-list.
I think there’s a lot of potential to show three different stories concurrently – her rise, her fall, and her resurrection. In my head, showing these three intercut together could make for a fascinating drama about the nature of fame.
I wonder whether it needs more of a hook though?
See lessBillions of refugees seek shelter from deadly weather events, antibiotics have lost their potency, nations wage wars over land and water, and activists not opposed to violence towards humans try to save animals from extinction.
Surely the best person to fly this thing is not a race car driver but an astronaut... trained in this kinda thing. When the space programme started, they didn't choose people who were just used to travelling at speed. They chose people who were intelligent and exceptional pilots... key word is pilotRead more
Surely the best person to fly this thing is not a race car driver but an astronaut… trained in this kinda thing. When the space programme started, they didn’t choose people who were just used to travelling at speed. They chose people who were intelligent and exceptional pilots… key word is pilots. Just because the driver is used to going fast doesn’t mean he can fly, so why would anyone think he was a better choice than the leading astronaut at that time? Someone who can fly and is also used to speed and has had psychological training to deal with such a situation. A race car driver just makes no sense to me at all.
You’re telling us they must induce a second ice-age… but why? To what end. That’s the goal. Why does a second ice age need to be induced bearing in mind that most plants and animals on earth will die?!
I stand by my previous thoughts on light speed travel. If light speed is possible, then everything changes. Everything is possible at that point unless you’re adding to what we currently know about light speed travel. If that’s the case, we NEED that information to understand how this could work.
I think the idea that we will all be destroyed by Mother Nature is a good inciting incident BUT what your characters seem to do about it makes very little sense right now. There needs to be something that grounds it in reality even if it is a SciFi. How would light speed travel induce an ice age??
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