1. Posted: November 28, 2019In:

    An old, abusive slave owner switches body with his slave who gives him a taste of his own medicine

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I agree with yqwertz.Bodyswitch films are pretty common and the most important thing is that BOTH sides learn something from the experience (usually seeing the situation from another perspective) and end up wanting to switch back. I can see what the slave owner would learn about how he treats his slRead more

    I agree with yqwertz.

    Bodyswitch films are pretty common and the most important thing is that BOTH sides learn something from the experience (usually seeing the situation from another perspective) and end up wanting to switch back. I can see what the slave owner would learn about how he treats his slaves, but what does the slave learn? If the slave resorts to treating the slave owner like a slave, is he really any better? What you’d have to do is get the slave to empathise with the slave owner… and in turn get the audience to. That might be tough. What is happening in the slave owner’s life that is going to redeem him to the slave and the audience?

    Hope this helps.?

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  2. Posted: November 25, 2019In:

    A crush kindled comedienne and?a connection delusional fan influence a viral coma recovery star’s search for a tramatized teen

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I'm with Richiev. I'm not even sure who the main character is. It seems as though the story is about a person who's come out of a coma and they're searching for a teenager - and this person has been influenced by the comedienne and her stalker.... Check out the formula to help with formatting and toRead more

    I’m with Richiev.

    I’m not even sure who the main character is. It seems as though the story is about a person who’s come out of a coma and they’re searching for a teenager – and this person has been influenced by the comedienne and her stalker….

    Check out the formula to help with formatting and to understand what a logline is and how it works.

    Simple is better in a logline. We don’t need fancy descriptions… we just need something that tells us the story.

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  3. Posted: November 13, 2019In:

    When a deadly plague devastates the small village she’s passing, a cloistered sister, just out of the Abbey, hunts down clues to the seemingly magical affliction in order to discover who created the plague and save the town.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    Interesting. I like this. Why a nun? I'm guessing the affliction has some religious overtones... maybe change "deadly" to "biblical" just to hammer it home. I agree with The_CNI. I wonder whether, in this fantasy world, sisters of this particular Abbey are sent out to investigate stuff like this. GiRead more

    Interesting. I like this.

    Why a nun? I’m guessing the affliction has some religious overtones… maybe change “deadly” to “biblical” just to hammer it home.

    I agree with The_CNI. I wonder whether, in this fantasy world, sisters of this particular Abbey are sent out to investigate stuff like this. Gives her a reason, and could also set up an interesting back story. No idea if this is remotely the story you want to tell though.

    Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

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