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After a new energy source is used to power an entire city, a young cleaning lady is called to protect the city from supernatural threats called Jinn that are attracted to the energy source. The Jinn take over human bodies and give their hosts supernatural powers.
A young cleaning lady is called on to protect a whole city. How? Why? She's seemingly just a normal person and yet she's suddenly given the responsibility of saving everyone. You need to give us more information than this <-- this is based on your first version.As dpg said, just saying "with poweRead more
A young cleaning lady is called on to protect a whole city. How? Why? She’s seemingly just a normal person and yet she’s suddenly given the responsibility of saving everyone. You need to give us more information than this <– this is based on your first version.
As dpg said, just saying “with powers” is too general. How do her powers relate to the jinn? Why is she the only one who can stop them? why a cleaning lady?? Give her a characteristic too, she’s our protagonist, sell her story to us!
I don’t think we need to know that they are called jinn (djinn). I don’t think it’s relevant to the story.
The inciting incident is surely when the jinn first arrive at the city not when the new power source is used. Why can’t they just flip the power source back? It seems there is a very easy solution…
The jinn take over humans and give them supernatural powers. Why? They are attracted to the energy source, not humans. What’s their motivation for possessing people? Without understanding what they want and/or need, how is anybody going to be able to defeat them.
All these elements need to be connected together. It’s too random at the moment. Tie it all up.
See lessWhen a Russian submarine sailed from Murmansk into the Cuban Missile Crisis, with a nuclear torpedo, Vasili Arkhipov, survivor of the K-19 nuclear disaster, battled PTSD and prevented the captain from destroying the civilized world on the most dangerous day of human history.
"battled PTSD" - is there a more visual way to describe what happened? To me, battling PTSD happens largely inside someone's head. I could be wrong having very little experience of PTSD.The true story of Vasili Arkihipov, who, when his captain is given the order to fire a nuclear torpedo during theRead more
“battled PTSD” – is there a more visual way to describe what happened? To me, battling PTSD happens largely inside someone’s head. I could be wrong having very little experience of PTSD.
The true story of Vasili Arkihipov, who, when his captain is given the order to fire a nuclear torpedo during the Cuban Missile Crisis, risks execution for insubordination by trying to prevent the destruction of the civilised world.
I have no idea whether he risked execution so amend as necessary. I don’t think you need a lot of the details of the story to still get the bulk of the story across – his name suggests that he’s Russian. I’m not sure you even need to state he survived the K-19 nuclear disaster… although I could very (very) easily be swayed on this. To me the most important components to get across are the fact that it’s a true story and that one man single handedly prevented nuclear war.
I’m going to find the book on amazon now as it sounds great!
See lessThis is a personal spec
>>>He discovers that they were responsible for the death of his fiancee. Surely that would be the inciting incident then. After discovering his family are responsible for his fianc?'s death... Sullen IT manager: I think there may be a better way to describe this guy. The characteristic (sulRead more
>>>He discovers that they were responsible for the death of his fiancee.
Surely that would be the inciting incident then.
After discovering his family are responsible for his fianc?’s death…
Sullen IT manager: I think there may be a better way to describe this guy. The characteristic (sullen) is usually something that can help represent the character’s internal arc in the story (selfish -> compassionate / sad -> happy) so think how you could use this to your advantage. By telling us he’s an IT Manager, we can assume that this comes into play somehow i.e. he uses his knowledge of technology to take down his family. If it has no bearing on the story then maybe make his profession something that could come into play.
Hope this helps.
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