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An ambitious blogger lands a legit writing gig with a large publishing firm the only problem is her first story , the subject is a wealthy philanthropist with a surprising secret. ?His associates grow nervous about the nosy news lady uncovering potentially damaging information regarding financial improprieties. With a deadline closing in she discovers there is a bounty on her head.
A logline is a concise summary of the story in its entirety using (ideally) no more than 40 words phrased as a single sentence. At 61 words and comprising of 3 sentences, I'd recommend checking out the Formula page (link in the top nav) or, better yet, try out the logline generator to help come up wRead more
A logline is a concise summary of the story in its entirety using (ideally) no more than 40 words phrased as a single sentence.
At 61 words and comprising of 3 sentences, I’d recommend checking out the Formula page (link in the top nav) or, better yet, try out the logline generator to help come up with a 1 sentence logline.
So she’s been given a job writing a book(?) about a wealthy philanthropist. I’m guessing she doesn’t have permission to do this? I feel like a book is a bit of a stretch and for a crime thriller (which I imagine this is) the shorter the time frame, the more potential you have for a thrill. Personally, I’d change her to be a journalist who uncovers a secret about the wealthy philanthropist she’s doing a positive story about. Have it so that she was commissioned by the philanthropist (or their agent) to write a nice piece about all the good work this guy does in the community. The paper she works for is being paid a substantial amount of money and given exclusive access for this piece. When she uncovers this secret, she’s caught between uncovering the truth – her natural instinct as a reporter – and the the knowledge that the paper will lose all that money and she may even lose her job. Dilemma. Then, as dpg said, MPR, she discovers she has a bounty on her head. So now she has to not only uncover the truth but also stay alive in order to do it.
As dpg also pointed out, the hook (the secret) is an important element and since it’s likely to happen as part of Act I, we do need a little more information to understand the story as a whole. This secret has to be big enough to warrant her risking her life.
Hope this helps.
See lessA tabloid photographer races to uncover a deadly parasitic outbreak before his estranged daughter becomes the next victim.
I agree with yqwertz.If you're describing your protagonist as a "tabloid photographer" this should have some bearing on the story. Why does he have to be a tabloid photographer? It might be that it's not all that relevant to the plot BUT since the only description you've given us is this, we have toRead more
I agree with yqwertz.
If you’re describing your protagonist as a “tabloid photographer” this should have some bearing on the story. Why does he have to be a tabloid photographer? It might be that it’s not all that relevant to the plot BUT since the only description you’ve given us is this, we have to assume it is. If we are then unable to see the connection or reason for this, the logline feels like it’s lacking.
Currently you have no inciting incident – check out the formula page or, better yet, try out the handy generator that does all the hardwork for you. I’m guessing it’s the moment the outbreak begins so I’m going to comment on that basis. This outbreak is a BIG event but his goal is very small. Something happens on a city-wide scale and his goal is to save one person. There’s nothing wrong with this, per se, but I think the framing of the inciting incident needs to be smaller to match the scale of the goal. Or the goal needs to be bigger. The inciting incident tips the scales in the protagonist’s life and his goal is to correct it so the two events MUST be equal in weight. The world in which the story is set can still be one where there’s a parasitic outbreak BUT the inciting incident would have to be something more personal within that world. In The Day After Tomorrow, the cataclysmic weather events are not the inciting incident, they are merely part of the scenery. The inciting incident is when the protagonist’s son gets trapped in the NY Library. It’s a personal story set within a global event. Compare this to Independence Day – the inciting incident is the discovery that the aliens are going to destroy mankind so the goal is to stop it. The global event IS the story. In yours, make the inciting incident his discovery that the daughter is in the infected zone, or she’s more vulnerable because she’s pregnant, etc, etc. Or change the goal so he has to find a cure (tough when he’s a tabloid photographer).
I also think there needs to be a hook. Something unique that we haven’t seen before. At the moment this story feels very familiar. Is there a way you can make it stand out more?
Hope this helps.
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See lessWhen mining pollutes the water table and the mine closes, a local outback town is left without employment. A local teenage rebel attempts to save the town by setting up a renewable energy company and entice the ?ornery locals to learn a new way of living.
I agree with dpg. Since the inciting incident relates to the local townsfolk left unemployed by the closure of the mine, surely the goal is either to reopen the mine or create new employment opportunities for the locals. The framing of the inciting incident is key in how the goal plays out. If you fRead more
I agree with dpg.
Since the inciting incident relates to the local townsfolk left unemployed by the closure of the mine, surely the goal is either to reopen the mine or create new employment opportunities for the locals. The framing of the inciting incident is key in how the goal plays out. If you focus on employment, then employment must be the centre of the goal.
How is the fact that this teenager is a “rebel” relevant. Currently, I see nothing rebellious about their behaviour.
Maybe consider an Erin Brockovich style story instead. David vs Goliath – teenager vs mining corporation instead. Although it’s possibly a little too close with a polluted water supply…. food for thought.
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