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It’s the year 2030 and Teller is working at becoming Supreme Leader with the help of his good friends and the absurd seems to be working.
Agree with all comments made by both dpg and Richiev. "Absurd way" - A logline's purpose is to give the reader a clear and concise summary of the story as a whole. By not unpacking "absurd way" and giving us something more descriptive and visual, we have to interpret that in our own way and that couRead more
Agree with all comments made by both dpg and Richiev.
“Absurd way” – A logline’s purpose is to give the reader a clear and concise summary of the story as a whole. By not unpacking “absurd way” and giving us something more descriptive and visual, we have to interpret that in our own way and that could be incredibly different from what you have in your head. It would be better to tell us what he is actually going to do since that is probably going to make up the majority of Act II if not more. If the reader (a producer) has problems visualising half of the story, then there’s a pretty big chance it’ll be a non-starter.
A film producer will decide your fate regarding this story on this one logline! They will decide on something they haven’t even read… that’s the nature of the business! They will jump to conclusions and make assumptions if you let them. This one sentence is potentially the only chance you have at selling this story… so surely it’s worth considering that this logline isn’t the best it can be just yet.
The comments people leave on this site are neither wrong nor right. They are merely individual interpretations and ideas based on the information given to them. If that’s different to what’s in your head then I would say keep working on the logline until people are on the same page as you. You have the choice to take the advice or leave it but ALL the advice posted here comes from storytellers like you who want to see good original ideas progress and evolve into something special.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a terminal patient becomes immortal, she must uncover the secret that saved her life; but when she discovers she’s the target of a military conspiracy, she fights to?protect her unborn child.
There appears to be two inciting incidents and two goals. I feel like it should be one or the other. The pregnancy feels very out of place to be honest. I think the mystery surrounding her immortality is plenty to work with and relates more heavily to the inciting inciting.
There appears to be two inciting incidents and two goals. I feel like it should be one or the other. The pregnancy feels very out of place to be honest. I think the mystery surrounding her immortality is plenty to work with and relates more heavily to the inciting inciting.
See lessA stressed out business exec takes up meditation for relief, only to have visions of his employees miserable lives should his failing business go under
This seems like just the inciting incident to me, what is he going to do about it? What's his goal? When his stress-relieving meditation gives him premonitions of his employees' miserable lives should his business fail, a XXXXX XXXXX must... He's doing something to combat stress = he's stressed TheyRead more
This seems like just the inciting incident to me, what is he going to do about it? What’s his goal?
When his stress-relieving meditation gives him premonitions of his employees’ miserable lives should his business fail, a XXXXX XXXXX must…
He’s doing something to combat stress = he’s stressed
They’re his employees and it’s his business = business exec
This leaves plenty of scope to describe the main character in a new way so we get even more information about who he is.
Hope this helps.
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