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When she learns her former partner is getting married, a washed-up singer visits his chateau to win him back, only to slowly fall for his black sheep brother.
I'm less interested by this version. The exes falling for each other was great! Their dynamic and joint goal would provide much of the comedy but also a lot of conflict when they start falling for each other. The fact that the protagonist is a woman and her creative partner is a guy - it's so similaRead more
I’m less interested by this version. The exes falling for each other was great! Their dynamic and joint goal would provide much of the comedy but also a lot of conflict when they start falling for each other. The fact that the protagonist is a woman and her creative partner is a guy – it’s so similar to My Best Friend’s Wedding and I think (based on this new logline) you’ll struggle for people to not make that comparison. I recommend watching it so you know what’s been done before so you know that your logline/story is different enough.
If she’s his longterm creative partner, has she not met the brother before? And if she’s so in love with this guy, surely those feelings won’t just disappear. The beauty of what you suggested before is that:
a) The guy she was chasing was “the one that got away”. You don’t suggest that they work together and see each other every day. That’s great! This immediately sets her up as someone who is stuck in the past. Whereas this new version – the relationship with this guy is the past AND the present. If you want it to be about the past and the future, I think it would be stronger if this guy wasn’t a part of her present.
b) The exes working together is a perfect way to join these characters together and watch their romance blossom. With the black sheep brother… why would they spend time together? I know nothing about him other than that he’s a black sheep. I have no interest in him – but the exes… that’s a gold mine of comedy and drama. It writes itself!
I think the new hook – the creative partnership breakup – it doesn’t excite me like the last one did. It’s not really a hook, merely the circumstances. The hook is something that makes a reader go “ooooh that’s interesting”. For me, that’s the exes falling in love at the end. She has to make a choice between the guy from her past or this new guy.
Having her as a singer… that’s up to you. The MC’s profession should somehow connect to the story. It shouldn’t be random. So if it fits and there’s a reason why you made her a singer then glamorous or not is irrelevant. She could be a one hit wonder – always chasing that former glory but finding herself always asked to play that one song. Then it really closely relates to the whole “stuck in the past” thing. She has no choice – all anyone wants her to do is live in the past. Hope that makes sense.
Keep going with this though, there’s something to it all.
Hope this helps.
See lessA bumptious young decorator inherits her uncle?s rental properties and must contend with city code enforcers while expanding her rental empire and becoming L.A.?s newest Slumlord.
Why is she a decorator? When a profession is used to describe a character it should be because it holds a bearing on the story. Sometimes a profession can provide information about the character as certain traits are associated with certain jobs (actors = confident for example). Decorators... I'm noRead more
Why is she a decorator? When a profession is used to describe a character it should be because it holds a bearing on the story. Sometimes a profession can provide information about the character as certain traits are associated with certain jobs (actors = confident for example). Decorators… I’m not sure what information to take from that.
A slum is a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units in a situation of deteriorated or incomplete infrastructure, inhabited primarily by impoverished persons. A slumlord is a landlord of slum property, typically one who charges extortionate rents.
With the above in mind, how involved do city code enforcers get with either slum properties or slumlords?
Seems to be that if you wanted to be a slumlord, the majority of conflict would be through other rival slumlords and/or your tenants.
She’s arrogant and her goal is to profit by making money from impoverished people. How is the audience going to connect with her? ?I get that it’s a comedy but the audience still has to want her to succeed. What’s her internal goal? What’s her internal arc? Why does she want to become LA’s newest slumlord?
This is a comedy – where’s the comedy coming from?
If you made her someone who lives in the slums to start with and she has aspirations of finding a way out when her uncle dies and suddenly she has a way to do it but in order to do it she has to take advantage of people like her… I think that could be interesting. Not really a comedy though….
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen he learns the one that got away is getting married, a man sets about winning her back, with the help of the fianc??s ex, only to fall for her as well.
I think yqwertz has a point in that if the mc's character flaw is fickleness, this isn't necessarily resolved at the end. However, I think that it could be easy enough to rectify that by suggesting that his character flaw is that he's stuck in the past or idealistic. It would have to be carefully wrRead more
I think yqwertz has a point in that if the mc’s character flaw is fickleness, this isn’t necessarily resolved at the end. However, I think that it could be easy enough to rectify that by suggesting that his character flaw is that he’s stuck in the past or idealistic. It would have to be carefully written to ensure that at no point did he seem fickle though.
I don’t think a romance film has to have a happy ending – even if I agree in part that the audience might expect it. Titanic, Shakespeare in Love, Atonement, Never Let Me Go, Blue Valentine, Romeo + Juliet – all films that could fall into the “romance” category and all end tragically. Love is complicated and it doesn’t always end well – I don’t think anyone would dispute that – so while an audience might want it, if you’re making a film that truly reflects the nature of love then an audience shouldn’t be surprised if it ends unhappily ever after.
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