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A shy guy tries to seduce a snobby girl during an awkward pre-arranged mating session between their chihuahua dogs. COMEDY SHORT
Check out the formula tab to help with formatting. All you've given us really is the inciting incident "When his chihuahua starts mating with the girl he fancies' chihuahua..." now tell us what he must do. What is his goal? To pluck up the courage to ask her for a date? To simply survive the experieRead more
Check out the formula tab to help with formatting.
All you’ve given us really is the inciting incident “When his chihuahua starts mating with the girl he fancies’ chihuahua…” now tell us what he must do. What is his goal? To pluck up the courage to ask her for a date? To simply survive the experience? I amended your inciting incident slightly so it was not just an attractive girl… but the girl he wants to be with. It adds another layer to the story. There’s a greater urgency to the situation because his want isn’t just to survive the experience (which it could be if it was simply an attractive girl) but to actually be with her.
Can you give us more information about him? He’s a young man… ok but what do we learn about him? What is his flaw? What will his arc be? If you said he was “a creepy guy” it’s a darker comedy compared to if he was just “shy”.
As a short I think it’s a great situation though
See lessA woman struggles to hike 1100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail alone as her recovery program from drug abuse and family tragedy.
I feel like this logline could be more impactful if the wording was switched around to end on the fact that she's undertaking this feat alone. I also wonder if "woman" could be replaced with something that gave us a bit more information about her (or uses other information given as a descriptor). ToRead more
I feel like this logline could be more impactful if the wording was switched around to end on the fact that she’s undertaking this feat alone. I also wonder if “woman” could be replaced with something that gave us a bit more information about her (or uses other information given as a descriptor).
To help deal with traumatic events in her family life, a recovering drug addict impulsively sets out to hike 1100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail alone. (26 words)
Is this story well known enough in the US to use her name?
See lessBillions of refugees seek shelter from deadly weather events, antibiotics have lost their potency, nations wage wars over land and water, and activists not opposed to violence towards humans try to save animals from extinction.
As Richiev and dpg have pointed out this is merely the world that is presented in the film. It's like a prologue and would be covered in the first 5/10 mins. We need to know what specifically is happening to one (or a few) particular character(s) in this world. ?Consider Wall-E. In the first 10 minsRead more
As Richiev and dpg have pointed out this is merely the world that is presented in the film. It’s like a prologue and would be covered in the first 5/10 mins. We need to know what specifically is happening to one (or a few) particular character(s) in this world. ?Consider Wall-E. In the first 10 mins or so we see the world as it currently is and through newspapers, big screen TV adverts, etc, we learn how and why the world is as it is – this is all done whilst being introduced to Wall-E.
The logline itself doesn’t need to cover the world the story is set in as much detail. SciFi/fantasy is hard to logline for because you do need extra words to allow for the world building stuff but you only need to include stuff that is relevant to the story itself. If the protagonist is a doctor then the bit about antibiotics is more relevant. If they are a refugee, use the bit about refugees. It doesn’t mean that the world doesn’t include all of these elements, it just means the logline only includes the bits that are actually relevant to the story you are trying to tell.
Hope this helps.
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