I really like the premise for this film. Emotionally it’s very strong BUT as the others have pointed out it’s difficult to know exactly what’s going on in the film. Rediscovering his voice is the goal but there needs to be a visual way of showing this journey and that needs to come across in the logline.?giannisggeorgiou’s suggestion of?exploring another world and giving the boy a quest to locate his missing voice is great! But if you wanted to make the story more grounded you’ll need to find something that represents his emotional journey to find his voice – this journey is also his quest to get over the loss of his sister… maybe he finds his sister’s diary and in there she talks about something she buried for him to find?

Whilst the school play provides a great emotional moment at the end of the film, it needs to be more tied into the story for the maximum effect. Maybe the sister was dying of cancer and she loved hearing her little brother sing to her while she was in hospital? Make it so that moment is more than just him finding his voice. It has to be believable too – why would he be in the school play if he was mute?

Keep going with this, to me it’s a great holiday film for this time of year. Just need to tie some of the elements together and make it as visual as possible.

Hope this helps.?

As dpg said, this isn’t really a logline. Check out the “Our formula” page for help with how to format a logline. The goal of a logline is to sum the story up in no more than 35 words ideally. After reading these words you should be able to understand who the main character is, what event turned their life upside down (the inciting incident), how they are going to proactively seek an objective resolution thus turning their life the right way round again (the goal), and what is standing in their way (antagonistic forces). It’s also good to add what’s at stake (reputation, life, money, relationship).

In your case, I’d focus on one of the two chefs – it’s easier to have one central character acting as the emotional conduit for the audience. In the majority of “group” films (The Goonies, Lord of the Rings, etc) there is still one character that is more central than the others (Mikey & Frodo). I’d then focus on what happens to him that kick starts his journey – this could be him winning a competition, or moving to the big city to pursue his dream. He’s trying to make it big on the party scene – great but make this visual and objective – he wants to win a competition, he wants to play at a famous venue, etc- find something visual that represents him “making it big”. Finally, what is standing in his way. Is it a rival? or his own lack of confidence?

A coming of age story celebrates an individual’s psychological and moral growth. Youth to adulthood is the conventional one. Whilst I’m not saying this isn’t a coming of age story, as it currently stands there is nothing that suggests the character’s emotional growth from one state to another. To me it just sounds like a dramedy. This isn’t a criticism – merely an observation. The reader should be able to see where the genre works in the logline.

I hope this helps.