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After his people were destroyed, a space-faring cybernetic gun-wielding samurai hunts down a powerful old enemy to avenge his people and prevent a devastating alien weapon from destroying all life.
>>> space-faring cybernetic gun-wielding samurai This is a lot of unnecessary adjectives where, ideally, a characteristic that tells us about the spiritual journey the character goes on would be better placed. It's always tough with science fiction as there's a lot of world-building that neRead more
>>> space-faring cybernetic gun-wielding samurai
This is a lot of unnecessary adjectives where, ideally, a characteristic that tells us about the spiritual journey the character goes on would be better placed. It’s always tough with science fiction as there’s a lot of world-building that needs to take place but I think in your logline this isn’t as relevant as the character. In my opinion, a samurai needs a samurai sword… samurais are historical warriors and while updating them is great fun, they still need something that keeps them classical and identifiable as samurai.
>>> powerful old enemy
Is the enemy old in years? Or a long-time enemy of the samurai? It probably needs clarification that he’s the one who destroyed the samurai’s people.
You currently have two goals. Avenge his people and prevent the weapon destroying all life. Which is the primary goal? Also, when you say ‘all life’ do you everyone and everything in the entire universe? I can’t help but wonder why an enemy would want to destroy all life. What’s the motivation behind that. Most bad guys have a motivation for killing people – Thanos is a perfect example (no spoilers though). I’d consider having him just choose to avenge his people OR prevent the bad guy from destroying another planet. That’s not to say the other can’t happen – by stopping the bad guy you’re preventing future harm and avenging his people BUT for the sake of the logline and how the readers sees the protagonist one tangible goal is important. If he’s avenging his people he could be seen as more angry, possibly selfish, whereas if he’s preventing further deaths he’s more noble and selfless.
Hope this helps.
See lessDuring an extraction, the head of a Special Forces unit vanishes overnight, the second-in-command leads an impromptu search and rescue in which the unit are attacked by an adversary from an ancient and forgotten age.
The problem you're always going to face is that, without getting what you have in your head across effectively in your logline, the reader will have no choice but to make comparisons with existing material. You clearly have knowledge of Nephilims and how you want this character to act, look, move, eRead more
The problem you’re always going to face is that, without getting what you have in your head across effectively in your logline, the reader will have no choice but to make comparisons with existing material.
You clearly have knowledge of Nephilims and how you want this character to act, look, move, etc BUT if we don’t then it makes zero difference. As I said previously, if the reader doesn’t know what a Nephilim is, keeping in mind that your entire story is focussed around one, you’re always going to have issues. This creature is the one thing that will set your story apart from others and if you’re vague about it then everyone is simply going to imagine something that’s already been done. All the best monsters stand out from the crowd. They’re unique and they’d be described in such a way that creates a unique image in the reader’s head:
Hulking patchwork of human parts.?Giant ape.?Man eating shark.?Intellectual and charismatic cannibal.?Creepy clown demon. I bet all of these immediately suggest a movie monster to you.
Simply put, make sure the reader’s vision is as close to yours as possible.
See lessWhen her older husband dies of viagra overdose, leaving her cuffed on the bed frame, a sexually frustrated woman must break free or die alone in their isolated lake house.
I agree with your comment about "sexually frustrated". That suggests consent, possibly even that it was her idea. I haven't seen the film so what's her arc? Is there a characteristic you can use that ties in more closely to the emotional journey she goes on?
I agree with your comment about “sexually frustrated”. That suggests consent, possibly even that it was her idea. I haven’t seen the film so what’s her arc? Is there a characteristic you can use that ties in more closely to the emotional journey she goes on?
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