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A lonely stoner scientist develops a method for reversing zombification thanks to a girl he used to smoke weed with then sets out to find and cure his girlfriend but ends up having feelings for his old friend on the way.
So everybody in the movie is stoned? And when they don't smoke enough they turn into zombies? I don't see how it's only this scientist who is able to figure out the obvious connection. This buddy romance, how does this relate to the main plot? If it results in being the main romance, doesn't it undeRead more
So everybody in the movie is stoned? And when they don’t smoke enough they turn into zombies? I don’t see how it’s only this scientist who is able to figure out the obvious connection.
This buddy romance, how does this relate to the main plot? If it results in being the main romance, doesn’t it undermine the protagonist’s goal to get his ex back? What’s the adventure they go on and how does that relate to the main plot?
If his ex is controlling and superior why do we want him to get back with her?
Are the teenagers the antagonists?
Your characteristics for the protagonist are that he’s lonely and a stoner… this suggests his arc is to find somebody and not be a stoner. If you want to suggest he lacks confidence and uses the weed as a coping mechanism then suggest that instead.
Honestly, I would simplify the story. The best stories are remarkably simple when you break them down. All the elements fit together.
When his ex-girlfriend is bitten by a zombie, a timid bio-chemist with a weed habit must develop a cure if he’s ever going to win her back.
This version, while not perfect, has a strong inciting incident, his characteristics suggest an internal arc, an occupation that matches the demand in the story, and the weed element (which hints at the stoner side), a clear goal (although arguably two goals that are interconnected) and does away with everything that, in my opinion, isn’t necessary. You can still have the subplots and teenagers etc but I think they are superfluous in the logline. They don’t change the primary goal. Again, this logline isn’t great – it’s not particularly exciting and doesn’t do much to suggest the world they’re in, but you get the idea.
See lessA lonely stoner scientist develops a method for reversing zombification thanks to a girl he used to smoke weed with then sets out to find and cure his girlfriend but ends up having feelings for his old friend on the way.
Sounds interesting.If the teenagers are all stoned are they really going to be living out their apocalyptic fantasies? Surely they'd just be sitting there getting high?Why does the scientist have to be stoned too? I worry that if too many people are stoned, the comedy that can be drawn from it is diRead more
Sounds interesting.
If the teenagers are all stoned are they really going to be living out their apocalyptic fantasies? Surely they’d just be sitting there getting high?
Why does the scientist have to be stoned too? I worry that if too many people are stoned, the comedy that can be drawn from it is diluted. Would it not be better to have the scientist as a straight-laced, control freak who learns to let go? In my opinion, the comedy of stoners is funniest when compared to either a) what that character is like normally or b) everyone who’s not high. When Brian?gets high in The Breakfast Club, it’s his divergence from the character we’ve seen through the rest of the film that makes it funny. In True Romance, Brad Pitt’s character is hilarious when faced by the mob guys because of the huge contrast between them. They’re all serious, suits, sunglasses and guns, and he’s just in a vest baked off his tits and not really giving a shit. Funny!
Is it the scientist who discovers that weed is the cure or the teenagers?
I’m not sure I really see how the girlfriend really fits in to all this at the moment. How hard is it going to be for the scientist to rescue her from a group of stoners?
If this is a feature length I think you might struggle to keep the audience interested currently. Definitely think there’s something in all this, I just think you need to think more about how it’s all gonna fit together.
See lessAfter his future self moves in and starts dating his girlfriend, a once complacent vacuum salesman struggles against fate to prevent the hell he?s living from setting in stone
Give us more specifics. What about his current life is so bad? How does he plan on making it better? How does it get worse? What does the man learn? What's his arc? We need a characteristic to understand his actions. Film is a visual medium so the logline needs to place the visuals clearly in the reRead more
Give us more specifics. What about his current life is so bad? How does he plan on making it better? How does it get worse? What does the man learn? What’s his arc? We need a characteristic to understand his actions.
Film is a visual medium so the logline needs to place the visuals clearly in the reader’s head. Think about what the audience will actually see on screen. Imagine someone “intending to better his life”… intentions are not visual – what does he actually do to try and better his life? “Only makes it worse”… you’re telling me what’s happened but I can’t visualise how it’s happened.
There’s also some ambiguity as to who is the protagonist – present man or future man. It seems that future man is the one with the goal but the inciting incident starts with present man. Pick one and write it from their perspective.
Hope this helps.
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