1. Posted: June 27, 2018In:

    When a cash-hungry escort driver gets wind of an easy score, his life becomes ever more obscure the deeper he commits to it and the people involved.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    What's his goal? I'm guessing it's financial gain but I don't get that from this. How does his life get more obscure in visual terms? I think "...his life becomes every more obscure the deeper he commits to it and the people involved" needs to be reworked to tell us what he's trying to achieve and wRead more

    What’s his goal? I’m guessing it’s financial gain but I don’t get that from this. How does his life get more obscure in visual terms? I think “…his life becomes every more obscure the deeper he commits to it and the people involved” needs to be reworked to tell us what he’s trying to achieve and what he stands to lose. I think the inciting incident needs clarification too – I’m not sure I understand it currently. Is the job dangerous but pays well? What’s he escorting?

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  2. Posted: June 27, 2018In:

    A man is informed he has one year to decides to do everything on his wife?s bucket list to maximise their time together, but she is to sad to enjoy the experience .

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    When his loving wife is given a year to live, a hard-working but penniless man must find more and more inventive ways to ensure his wife ticks everything off her bucket list.I like the bucket list idea but, as Nir pointed out, it's very similar to The Bucket List. Maybe make it about the guys questRead more

    When his loving wife is given a year to live, a hard-working but penniless man must find more and more inventive ways to ensure his wife ticks everything off her bucket list.

    I like the bucket list idea but, as Nir pointed out, it’s very similar to The Bucket List. Maybe make it about the guys quest to make his wife’s dreams come true and in the end, she stops him because she’s realised that all she wants is to spend time with him.

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  3. Posted: June 27, 2018In:

    When he finds himself in the friend zone with the girl of his dreams his senior year of high school, a beta male must climb his way out of this inescapable trap before his Cinderella is stolen from him?.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    Who's going to steal her? Why "Cinderella"? If it's an "inescapable trap" then how is he going to climb out of it? Personally, I worry that friend zones (a totally male construct), the suggestion that she "belongs to him" already, and using terms like beta male are all a little outdated and could beRead more

    Who’s going to steal her? Why “Cinderella”? If it’s an “inescapable trap” then how is he going to climb out of it?

    Personally, I worry that friend zones (a totally male construct), the suggestion that she “belongs to him” already, and using terms like beta male are all a little outdated and could be considered sexist if not handled carefully. I’m not saying it’s wrong to use these words BUT I’d tread carefully and make sure it sounds like the female character is more than just a macguffin.

    I’m not currently sure what the stakes are and I think the way he tries to achieve his goal needs to be described more visually and cinematically.

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