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Shannon meets Beau
I can't help but see this as a comedy more than a thriller! Currently there's two inciting incidents - "when her date turns out to be a ghost" and "the vengeful spirit mistakes her for his ex-girlfriend". I kinda want the girl to help the ghost prove that his girlfriend murdered him - can there be aRead more
I can’t help but see this as a comedy more than a thriller! Currently there’s two inciting incidents – “when her date turns out to be a ghost” and “the vengeful spirit mistakes her for his ex-girlfriend”. I kinda want the girl to help the ghost prove that his girlfriend murdered him – can there be another reason why these two meet? Maybe this girl is the best crime scene investigator and the ghost somehow set her up on a blind date just so he they could meet and he could explain his predicament. She ends up taking the case and in the process falls in love with the ghost? This is probably a long way away from what you initially envisaged… sorry! Haha!
I think this just needs a clear goal and clear stakes for the girl, but since the ghost has been murdered by his ex-girlfriend I kinda empathise with him too and I want the story to be about proving his ex-girlfriend killed him.
See lessWhen her father is captured by the greedy owner of an underground casino, an unorthodox cat burglar must convince her professional poker player sister to join forces to take down the bad guy and rescue their father. — All IN
Agree with all previous comments. There are lots of elements in this logline that I think pose more questions and make it quite confusing to understand where the story is. Why is the father imprisoned? Is the "sodomised" relevant? (I'm curious why he would be sodomised anyway... seems a bit strangeRead more
Agree with all previous comments. There are lots of elements in this logline that I think pose more questions and make it quite confusing to understand where the story is. Why is the father imprisoned? Is the “sodomised” relevant? (I’m curious why he would be sodomised anyway… seems a bit strange to me). How did the tech girl break into his highly secure mansion… and does she then just stand there holding a gun for the duration? Why does she need to do this? Surely she’d be better put to use helping the dare devil sister break their dad out? “Jail” to me suggests the law is involved – rather than just being imprisoned in the casino. I like that there’s this family element to the story and that should be the focus.
I think that Richiev’s example logline is great and, other than a mean casino boss, I see very little similarity to Ocean’s 11.
Hope this all helps. Definitely think there’s a story in here though 🙂
See lessAfter a young girl finds a strange red cloak that influences and changes her behavior, her twin brother must rescue her from a strange forest before she completely forgets who she is.
Does this have any relationship to Little Red Riding Hood? It might not but that's where the current logline has taken me and others may make a similar connection. Does the colour of the cloak have any meaning? What happens to the people who lose their cloaks in the games? It seems like the games miRead more
Does this have any relationship to Little Red Riding Hood? It might not but that’s where the current logline has taken me and others may make a similar connection. Does the colour of the cloak have any meaning? What happens to the people who lose their cloaks in the games? It seems like the games might be quite important to the story so I’d potentially try and work them in.
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