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Malevolent Rattlesnake. Trickster Coyote. Romantic Jackrabbit. To rescue her kidnapped daughter, she must face them all in a dangerous and perplexing supernatural world.
When her daughter is kidnapped by a supernatural entity, her self-conscious mother must battle three powerful mythical beings (in a dangerous supernatural world) to rescue her.? I think the names of the beings (whilst really cool) are potentially unnecessary. Adding an adjective (such as self-consciRead more
When her daughter is kidnapped by a supernatural entity, her self-conscious mother must battle three powerful mythical beings (in a dangerous supernatural world) to rescue her.?
I think the names of the beings (whilst really cool) are potentially unnecessary.
Adding an adjective (such as self-conscious above) can help to make the goal seem that much more challenging. Not only has she got to fight three supernatural creatures but she is shy and cautious so the journey she goes on is that much more powerful. If she was a badass supernatural killing machine then this would be a breeze.
I’ve put a bit above in brackets… I’m not sure the logline needs it but if the mother being in the supernatural world is highly relevant then include. To me, it seems like the challenge of facing these three beings is enough to whet people’s appetite without the need to say she’s travelled to another world too.
Hope this makes sense and helps in some way.
See lessA neglected eight-year-old girl comes up with a dangerous idea to try and communicate with her recently deceased mother on Halloween.
After finding herself trapped in the afterlife whilst attempting to contact her deceased mother, a neglected young girl must battle through the land of the dead to find a way back to the living or risk being trapped forever.As variable recommended, check out the rules and try and start with the inciRead more
After finding herself trapped in the afterlife whilst attempting to contact her deceased mother, a neglected young girl must battle through the land of the dead to find a way back to the living or risk being trapped forever.
As variable recommended, check out the rules and try and start with the inciting incident, then the goal, then the stakes. My example is a bit wordy and is probably not the story you have in mind but you get the idea.
I think MarinaM might be asking if her age and whether her mother being recently deceased is significant enough to include in the logline. In my mind, they are only significant if something else in the logline makes them so. If the mother being recently deceased is critical to the girl being able to contact her then include the reason as the ticking clock aspect of the logline e.g. before her mother is lost in the afterlife. With the information above, I think just calling her young could save you a couple of words without losing anything.
Hope this helps.
See lessIn a world of dream addicts, a washed up detective stumbles across a murder within a dream and must delve further into addiction to solve it.
Really like the concept with this one. I wonder whether making the detective the one who witnesses the murder(s) might make him a stronger protagonist. Maybe consider making it a series of murders (everyone loves a serial killer) and the detective has to figure out not only who the killer is but whyRead more
Really like the concept with this one. I wonder whether making the detective the one who witnesses the murder(s) might make him a stronger protagonist. Maybe consider making it a series of murders (everyone loves a serial killer) and the detective has to figure out not only who the killer is but why is he the one having the dreams:
After witnessing a series of brutal murders in his dreams, a washed-up detective must plunge into the depths of the Memory Black Market to uncover the killer’s identity and his connection to the crimes before the killer strikes again.
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