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A cheating husband leaves a meeting from his mistress with a nasty hickey, and him trying to cover it up before his wife gets home becomes a real pain in the neck.
What makes this a horror film?
What makes this a horror film?
See lessWhen a mobbed-up madam sends a prostitute up to the estate of a sadistic, reclusive billionaire, it sets off a chain reaction that has her and those in her organized crime circle running for their lives.
The inciting incident is surely what happens once the prostitute is at the house - e.g. she's not what was ordered/she's not submissive enough/she bites his member off - whatever - but that's the bit that I'm interested in and that makes me want the story to be about the prostitute not the madam. CoRead more
The inciting incident is surely what happens once the prostitute is at the house – e.g. she’s not what was ordered/she’s not submissive enough/she bites his member off – whatever – but that’s the bit that I’m interested in and that makes me want the story to be about the prostitute not the madam. Could you make it so that the mob-queen (who started as a prostitute and has worked her way up the ladder) is the one requested by the billionaire. This then creates an interesting power struggle between the two at his estate which ultimately results in the inciting incident.
I think it needs to be more obvious why they are all running for their lives. What did the billionaire do to threaten them all? Is her goal to save her “business” or just her own life?
Hope this helps.
See lessA cheating husband leaves a meeting from his mistress with a nasty hickey, and him trying to cover it up before his wife gets home becomes a real pain in the neck.
I get that this is probably going to be a vampire film but the "real pain in the neck" doesn't add anything to the logline. A logline isn't designed to encourage audiences to see the film the way that a tagline is ("Cheating is a real pain in the neck") - it's supposed to give a clear summary of theRead more
I get that this is probably going to be a vampire film but the “real pain in the neck” doesn’t add anything to the logline. A logline isn’t designed to encourage audiences to see the film the way that a tagline is (“Cheating is a real pain in the neck”) – it’s supposed to give a clear summary of the film in?one sentence that makes someone want to read your screenplay – inciting incident, goal, stakes.
Inciting incident – the hickey – that’s there but if his mistress is actually a vampire then maybe that needs to be included here so the reader knows what sort of film they’re looking at. Something that’s potentially a large part of the film shouldn’t be subtle or require guesswork in the logline.
Is his goal to keep his affair a secret? If so how does the vampire thing fit in? If his goal is not to turn into a vampire then how does his wife fit in. What happens if his wife finds out? What are the stakes?
I think the vampire element needs to be clarified as that’s the bit that is unclear and makes this logline a bit confusing. Once that thread is ironed out I think you’ve got an interesting logline.
Hope this helps.
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