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An arrogant crime scene cleaner and her impressionable partner/best friend begin a messy murder spree to provide the work that’ll save their business from going under.
You're probably right that it is more of a drama with moments of dark comedy. Interestingly though, as I was researching films/shows where the protagonist is a murderer (The Voices with Ryan Reynolds, and Barry starring Bill Hader both came up) I found this article which I found quite interesting onRead more
You’re probably right that it is more of a drama with moments of dark comedy. Interestingly though, as I was researching films/shows where the protagonist is a murderer (The Voices with Ryan Reynolds, and Barry starring Bill Hader both came up) I found this article which I found quite interesting on the subject: https://www.vulture.com/2018/09/tv-comedies-about-murder-barry-atlanta-search-party-more.html
See lessClaudia Amanda, a compliant daughter of a tycoon, has to entangle in an agreement to save his dad and the people behind the success of their company.
We don't need names in a logline. Cut that out and save yourself two words. "has to entangle in an agreement" this is too vague. Loglines thrive on specificity. The reader needs to be able to visualise what's on screen and what's in your head so try and tell us exactly what's going on in as few wordRead more
We don’t need names in a logline. Cut that out and save yourself two words.
“has to entangle in an agreement” this is too vague. Loglines thrive on specificity. The reader needs to be able to visualise what’s on screen and what’s in your head so try and tell us exactly what’s going on in as few words as possible. Who’s she entangling in an agreement with?
You’ve said “daughter” but keep referring to “her” as “him”. It just makes it a little confusing to read.
“Save [her] dad” from who? Who is the antagonist? What happens if she doesn’t save him?
Finally, where’s the Romance? The genre should be prevalent in the logline.
Hope this helps.
See lessAn arrogant crime scene cleaner and her impressionable partner/best friend begin a messy murder spree to provide the work that’ll save their business from going under.
I went with arrogant because she believes they won't get caught since they spend a lot of time around crime scenes. Part of the humour in the first act would be them solving the cause of death when they go clean up the decomp left behind. The victims they choose would be the primary source of confliRead more
I went with arrogant because she believes they won’t get caught since they spend a lot of time around crime scenes. Part of the humour in the first act would be them solving the cause of death when they go clean up the decomp left behind.
The victims they choose would be the primary source of conflict between the two partners. It would begin with people who aren’t innocent but gradually shifts as the arrogant cleaner gets more greedy and power crazy. The first half of the film would focus more on the arrogant one as she pushes them forward but the second half would focus on the impressionable one as she realises her friend is losing it and wants out. I toyed with specifying their victims weren’t innocent but trying to explain the method with which they select people and how that changes was verging on an exposition dump.
As for genre, I think there have been a variety of comedies about pre-meditated murder and I went with this genre to almost highlight the absurdity that you couldn’t get away with in a drama. Most crime comedies focus on the detective type character, so I appreciate that might prove difficult for the audience to accept but that’s why I want the MPR to turn the arrogant one into the antagonist and pull the impressionable one forward as the protagonist. Ultimately, the murderer still loses but I think it’s more likely I’ll get the audience on board with an unlikeable hero if it’s a comedy.
Maybe this logline needs an MPR? Thoughts?
Appreciate your comments as always.
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