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When a gang member’s girl scout kid sister threatens to disown him after he was convicted for vandalism yet again, he promises to help her make the entire town litter-free during his remaining days of freedom.
This is much stronger in my opinion. I would consider doing a bit of an American History X type thing, where the kid sister is maybe caught tagging her school or something and the protagonist doesn't want her to follow his path. Maybe he barely speaks to his parents because of his criminal activitieRead more
This is much stronger in my opinion.
I would consider doing a bit of an American History X type thing, where the kid sister is maybe caught tagging her school or something and the protagonist doesn’t want her to follow his path. Maybe he barely speaks to his parents because of his criminal activities but he tries to meet up with his sister without them knowing because they really don’t approve and believe he will lead her down the same path. On the flip side, maybe his parents ignored him when his baby sister came along. This would give more scope for conflict externally and internally.
Either way, it’s definitely getting there. I can see this as a Dramedy so I reckon you could have it in either Comedy or Drama and it would work.
See lessWhen a dead beat accidentally gets injected with an experimental brain implant giving him the ability to learn anything instantly, he must use his new abilities to take down the nefarious group who’ll stop at nothing to get the implant back
If members of this group were also implanted with the device, it could work. I think both dpg's and Scott's points highlight that your logline could be tweaked to really nail down some key plot points and remove any "open to interpretation" stuff. Have you seen a film called Upgrade (2018). It's gotRead more
If members of this group were also implanted with the device, it could work. I think both dpg’s and Scott’s points highlight that your logline could be tweaked to really nail down some key plot points and remove any “open to interpretation” stuff.
Have you seen a film called Upgrade (2018). It’s got a very similar premise.
See lessWhen an indicted small-time thief learns of her boy scout kid brother’s ambition to make their crime-ridden town litter-free, she must spend her remaining days of freedom helping him while keeping him safe.
Keeping him safe from what? The logline doesn't suggest that he is in any danger. I get the town is crime-ridden but I think we need to know how this immediately impacts her brother. Would criminals in the town really pick on a Boy Scout kid who's trying to pick up litter? I think it's worth clarifyRead more
Keeping him safe from what? The logline doesn’t suggest that he is in any danger. I get the town is crime-ridden but I think we need to know how this immediately impacts her brother. Would criminals in the town really pick on a Boy Scout kid who’s trying to pick up litter?
I think it’s worth clarifying that she’s heading to jail. My understanding is that “indicted” is merely accused or charged for a crime. It doesn’t necessarily mean a jail term. I was actually thinking that it could work if she’s waiting for the verdict and when it happens (in act III) her sentence is 100 hours community service and the judge (who sees her around picking up litter) rules that since she cleaned up the town, her sentence has been fulfilled. It would be a nice way to tie the two strands of this together.
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