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After her kitten was kidnapped, a girl must team up with her friends to track down the thief by invading his home.
Surely his goal is to get the kitten back? Figuring out the motive isn't the goal, that's merely something that is a "nice to find out along the way" kinda thing. Do the police really investigate kidnapped pets? My cinematic history has taught me this is a job for a pet detective. I don't really undRead more
Surely his goal is to get the kitten back? Figuring out the motive isn’t the goal, that’s merely something that is a “nice to find out along the way” kinda thing. Do the police really investigate kidnapped pets? My cinematic history has taught me this is a job for a pet detective.
I don’t really understand why the detective would force the chief to end the investigation either.
As it’s a family film, why not cut the police out of the equation and have the girl become the detective. The police aren’t interested because they’re too busy, so it’s up to her. Maybe her father is a cop so there’s additional conflict from that relationship. In my mind, this is much more logical and much more family friendly. She could team up with her friends, Goonies style, and suddenly I feel so much more compelled by this idea. Family films are rooted in comedy most of the time, and I struggle to see the humour in a police detective investigating a catnapping. A group of kids, each with a different set of skills, playing a different cliched role within typical and more mature cop films, take crime tropes and make them fit a family friendly situation, and you have an endless supply of humour for all ages.
I appreciate this might not be the story you want to tell so take from here what you wish.
Hope this helps in some way.
See lessWhen a non-verbal young chef learns that her signature dish has been ripped off by a rival, she must win over a new elite clientele with her intuitive understanding of flavour and micro-dosing.
Why is the fact that she's non-verbal relevant to the story? What are you trying to say by having her be non-verbal? I don't think knowing that she has an intuitive understanding of flavours etc is important in the logline. She's a chef, that's what she does. It's like telling us that a successful aRead more
Why is the fact that she’s non-verbal relevant to the story? What are you trying to say by having her be non-verbal?
I don’t think knowing that she has an intuitive understanding of flavours etc is important in the logline. She’s a chef, that’s what she does. It’s like telling us that a successful actor is good at acting. I’m making an assumption that she’s good at what she does since she has a signature dish and she is a chef. That suggests talent. I could be wrong however.
Agree with the other comments re: stakes. You said “her unique methods are also illegal” – I’d be a little careful. If your protagonist, in order to achieve her goal, takes a morally ambiguous path, there’s a chance the audience will become unsympathetic. It would be better if her rival uses these methods and always wins and in the end, our protagonist is victorious without having to resort to sinking to murky depths.
Hope this helps in some way.
See lessWhen a sentient video game character falls in love with the real-life player, she must get rid of the other characters to gain the player’s affections, even if that means rewriting the game script.
Agree with all the previous comments. You put this in Examples... is it an existing film? There's definitely something in this idea. There is a little confusion about who the character is. Is it the player's avatar or a NPC within the game? There's a film coming out with Ryan Reynolds called Free GuRead more
Agree with all the previous comments. You put this in Examples… is it an existing film?
There’s definitely something in this idea. There is a little confusion about who the character is. Is it the player’s avatar or a NPC within the game? There’s a film coming out with Ryan Reynolds called Free Guy that I think touches on similar themes to this.
Agree with Scott re: “game script”. It’s important to remove any words which have a double meaning and could be interpreted in a different way. This is particularly important when it changes a significant plot point. This goes for “characters”, “players” etc. The reader needs to understand who is within the game and who is in the real world.
Looking forward to seeing where this goes.
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