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A bacheior must race against time to stop his apartment being invaded from a pair of talking cats.
So what is he doing to do about it? That's what the logline should tell us. For what it's worth, I like the idea of his depression being represented visually by these two talking cats. That's interesting!
So what is he doing to do about it? That’s what the logline should tell us.
For what it’s worth, I like the idea of his depression being represented visually by these two talking cats. That’s interesting!
See lessA wealthy oblivious drawing artist raised by animals unfreezes a painted river to stop his artistic ego from not seeing his forest-dwelling family before he moves away from home.
It's difficult to comment on the quality of the logline without being able to understand the plot. I have all the same questions as Spencer222 and a few more: How old is the protagonist? Where is his home? How did he become rich and successful? How can you unfreeze a painted river? If this story hasRead more
It’s difficult to comment on the quality of the logline without being able to understand the plot.
I have all the same questions as Spencer222 and a few more:
How old is the protagonist?
Where is his home?
How did he become rich and successful?
How can you unfreeze a painted river? If this story has fantastical elements, it should be in the Fantasy genre.
Again, as Spencer222 said, check out this site’s suggested format and give it another go.
See lessWhen a series of unusual deaths occur in an uncharted region of Alaska, an aspiring detective must retain his lawful morality in a hidden barbaric world to seek those responsible.
How can it be uncharted when people live there? "Hidden barbaric world" - without reading the rest of your post, this would mean very little. Specificity is key in a logline. If he's investigating a cult, tell us he's investigating a cult or at least say something that heavily suggests that. I wouldRead more
How can it be uncharted when people live there?
“Hidden barbaric world” – without reading the rest of your post, this would mean very little. Specificity is key in a logline. If he’s investigating a cult, tell us he’s investigating a cult or at least say something that heavily suggests that.
I would argue that the inciting incident isn’t the murders themselves, but when the detective learns of them or assigned to them. The murders could have happened before the opening credits.
I agree with savinh0 regarding “unusual”. Again, specificity is key. Ambiguity is where loglines go to die! The “unusual” way they’ve died might be the thing that encourages a producer to read more.
I would most definitely phrase this with a MPR:
An idealistic detective is assigned to a series of brutal ritualistic murders in a remote Alaskan town, but when the case is mysteriously dropped he turns vigilante to uncover the disturbing truth at the heart of this small community.
It’s not perfect at all and it might not be the story you want to tell but I think it has more specificity whilst still maintaining some mystery for the final act.
Hope this helps.
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